Sad Day! Tales from TaeBo

(Augie, the instructor, makes Courtney be the example for how to measure one's arms)

Augie: Relax the arm, and I'll take a measurement...Now flex it.

Courtney: Oh, yeah...me with all my muscles.

A: Don't knock yourself! You have muscles!

(Augie takes the flexed measurement. It's the same as the relaxed.)

C: Obviously not.

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(First day of TaeBo)

Courtney: So, Augie, I have these back problems and I'm seeing a chiropractor. Will that influence my TaeBo?

Augie: What exactly is the problem?

C: Well, basically, I used to be fat, then lost a lot of weight suddenly. But my spine is still acting like it has all the weight, messing up my posture.

A: So, you really just need to change the muscles around your spine, right?

C: Pretty much. That's what my chiropractor is trying to adjust.

A: You just need to work out, girlfriiiieeend!

C: That's exactly what I did NOT want to hear.

Mobster versus Monster.

(Bethy is talking A LOT about Strangers in Paradise)
Bethy: So, which issue do you want to hear about?
Amy: David’s Story
B: So, he used to be a Japanese mobster but he changed his name and identity in honor of this...
A: Wait, is he a monster or a real man?
B: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I don’t think the president of SMU gay kids club should call transgender people monsters.
A: Wait – I thought there was a science-fiction element.
B: MOBSTER, not monster.

True, so true.

Libby: Tons of people don't wear underwear! It's totally normal. You know, no one in my family really wears it.
Mike: You know, when I think of the Banks' family, I think the pinnacle of normalcy -- the Banks' family band!

Funny Courtney

Libby: Has anything funny happened to you lately?
Courtney: Well, health services missed a vein and poked me twice.

Ditto, Libby

(Mike is flexing his arms)
Mike G.: Hey Libby, do you know any good veterinarians around here?
Libby: No, why?
Mike G.: Because my anacondas are SICK!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Mike: Okay, so imagine there's this tank and a Mini-Cooper.
Libby: Wait, are you describing yourself as a tank?

**********************************************************************************************************

Libby: Isaac, I'm dating someone who doesn't like Bruce Springsteen, and I don't really know what to do about it.

Isaac: Ummmm... break up with him, right now.

Libby: Oh, but he's pretty close to perfect otherwise...I guess he'll just have to learn to like Bruce, then love him.

Isaac: I think you're giving in. Maybe this is the first step, and next year you'll start voting republican, working for the man, and contributing to the interlocking systems of oppression.

A Little Tale About a Catheter

At the request of Bethy, I am putting this on the blog.

This one day I woke up and I was SO cold. Like I was shaking cold. In August in Texas. Is that insane or what? So, even though I felt like shit, I got dressed to go to class in jeans, an undershirt, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. I was seriously getting into the layers. And to top it all off, my Chinese class is in the coldest building on campus. Nice, right?

Then, in the middle of class, I got amazingly hot. I started sweating. I took my jacket off. I rolled my sleeves up. Still sweating. Still so hot I couldn't focus. So I rolled up my jeans, there in the middle of class. I was getting the weirdest looks, but I swear it was necessary.

After class, I went to Health Services, and they recommended I go to this AM/PM clinic thing off campus. So then I finally got to the clinic, and they wanted an urine sample. Well, the problem with that was I have a hard time giving urine on command ANYWAY, plus I had just gone to the bathroom right before.

So I'm sitting in this tiny bathroom in the clinic, and I'm running the faucet water, reading the pamphlets, doing everything I can think of to try to pee. And I can't go, right? Not for my life. After about thirty minutes they knocked on the door and said that if I couldn't go, they would have to get the sample by using a catheter!

Now, this really freaked me out. Because my Grandmothers were/are catheter dependent, and I did NOT want to live the rest of my life like that. But, after another five minutes, I admitted defeat. At twenty, a catheter was put into me. After me asking the nurse, the intern, and the Doctor, if this was going to make me catheter dependent. They all denied it. And the catheter was painful. But they got the sample, right?

So, I'm sitting in this room reading the Iliad, and they come back, and tell me...there's nothing we can do. You have food poisoning. So...basically, I went through this experience for nothing. Not even a prescription. For food poisoning. Nice, right? And I couldn't go pee for about 24 hours afterward, and that scared the shit out of me...but all is well in the end.

LOVE!

Courtney

A new friend...

(Mike's VERY tall)
Mike: This sidewalk makes me so nervous...every time one of those buses zooms by, I think the rear-view mirror is going to hit me in the head and knock me out.


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Libby: Aren't they supposed to teach you stuff like how to tell what time it is by the sun in boy scouts?
Mike: Yes, but I forgot all that kind of stuff...but ooh! Here's something interesting! Did you know that the moss on a tree grows on the
Libby: north side, right? But only in the Northern hemisphere which I think is sort of interesting.
Mike: Next time, can you just say that "That's the coolest thing I've ever heard! You're SOOOOO smart!"?


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(We're having car trouble...the wheels keep spinning without us moving anywhere. Libby is outside seeing if the car is caught on something.)
Mike: Wait, now see if this works.
(the car works beautifully)
Libby: Ohmygoodness! That's awesome! What did you do?
Mike: I did this thing called turning off the parking break.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

(On tattoos)
Mike: The problem is I really like Native American art, but I don't want to be one of those tools who appropriates other people's cultures. I guess I'll have to get something German. Like a swastika.
Libby: Or a beer stein!

Pulling a Hamlet.

Jeff Barba: Shakespeare is bringing me down for some reason. The show is set in 1930's gangster New York, and if I have to listen to another actor say his or her verse with a Brooklyn accent, I may have to like...pull a Hamlet or something.

Matt F-S: This talking point doesn't even deserve a talking point. It should be called talking pointless.

Mike: Drunk dials for democracy!
Mollie: Well…if that’s the direction you want to go…
Alex A: That’s the direction we’ve already been.

(Bradley Putnam’s giving his pitch during teledemocracy)
Megan: Whoa…who’s giving the Es?

Matt F-S (on global warming): Michigan is on it! There's a consortium. Canada's in on it.

Birthday time!

Jake: Going forward just feels so much better in the left lane.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Bob Stacey: Follow the Bob!

********************************************************

Amy: I still can't believe the revolution happened...but I'm trying to take my fall from power with dignity and grace

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Becky (on facebook): happy birthday libby! and may you wake up someplace more comfortable than on a water heater.

So, there's this bus...

Fun from the Oregon Bus Project

Dan: The Oregon Church Van Project: Not left...not right...not forward...but up, to heaven.

************************************************************************************

Jefferson: Hackfest? I don't know what that means, but I'm down.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Jefferson: Where's the pizza? I need an ETA.
Libby: Well...she's kinda uh lost...uh...
(Jefferson looks appalled)
Libby: 10 minutes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jake: Brunch is REALLY European.
Libby: Wait, you don't have brunch at your college?
Jake: No, we call it LUNCH because we're in America.
Libby: You're like the most xenophobic person EVER.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

Jefferson: We're holding hands in our brains.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Alex B.: Dan needs to stop talking about his organizer past and start focusing on his present.

Betho's Graduation

Notice the wine...the stick...and the random car seat we're sitting on! Fun times!

A Whole Semester's Worth of Goodness

Okay..I've been putting off this precious blog for far too long! I've been writing down as much as ever, but these are the only snippets that have survived my messy house.


**********
(at our fancy Christmas Eve Dinner)
Waiter: What kind of gin would you like?
Mom: Whatever is the cheapest.
Bethy: Tacky LOVES that!


$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A: That was the first thing out of my mouth...how handsome you were!
David Parsons: That was just the beard.
A: Nope. I didn't have a beer. Just margaritas!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Caroline: I have to write so much this weekend...but probably having my muse around will spark the creative process.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A: We have a special relationship.
Brian Pick: Yeah...we're Like Brother and sister...but sexual.
Melissa: more like creepy cousins then.

*******************
(At the drag show at gay bingo intermission)
Brian Pick: Holy Gay Dallas! It doesn't get much gayer than this!
Brien Bell: What would your dad say if he was here?

...

Brien Bell: And you know what's hilarious...this IS gay culture! Those four straight women over there...they think this is what gay people do!


))))))))))))))))))))))
(about graduation...I lost my other graduation weekend blog notes...help me find them PLEASE!)

B: Tomorrow's going to be SO debaucherous!
Mom: That's what I always say.

Alice & Freddy's favorite photo

They say I make this face when I see a cute fat kid

Ecuador Vista Point

WAY too late...the End of Ecuador (Banks3 Dream Trip Part II)

A: God! I thought that fire hydrant was a stray dog, and I almost had a heart attack!!!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

B: Is this rude?
C: Yes. Tacky and Rude.
A: You often play the role of Miss Manners
B: Well...that's because I feel like I'm the most well-mannered of All.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

B: Tacky loves that. Wait

%%%%%%%%%%%%

C: Did they have any snacks next door?
A: Only nasty ones.
C: Did you get any?
A: No.
C: SO...that means they REALLY didn't have ANY snacks

################

(Singing Shakira)
C: Oooh baby when you talk like that!
B: (equally shakira-like) Like WHAT?!

*******************


B: I'm so excited about going to Quito tomorrow.
C: Me too! I'm ready to shake the dust of this small town off of my feet.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

B (With the thickest accent EVER): Daddy says I'm just sewing my wild oats...but momma says they should be just about sewn!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A: We might as well play! What have we go to lose?
C: Our dignity.

%%%%%%%%%%%%

A: I haven't had a whole candy bar in ages...
B: I have one every week.
A: Really?!
B: Yeah - or a package of Ding-Dongs
C: Or Ho HO's?!

********************

(CJ sings a hymn)
B: Have you been attending a mega church?
C: NO! I just watch the commercials

A little more Ecuador

A: What time is lunch?
Rafting Guide: Why? Are you hungry?
A: NO. I just like to know what's coming.
(guide pushes amy into the river with his paddle)
Guide: That's what is coming!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

(immediately after, Bethy gets pushed in)
B: Jesus! I was just trying to help!!

#######################

B: Doesn't it make you feel good to think that we chose the same place as all those guys that have been everywhere?!
C: Maybe it was just dumb luck!
A: Remember what my charm from Auntie is...
B: Yeah...unfortunate accidents
C: No...unexpected miracles dumbass

%%%%%%%%%%

B: I never pay for anything.
C: Yeah. You are just going to owe us both a heck of a lot when we get home.
B: It's going to make my tummy hurt.

==================

B: Ven conmigo a cerveza-land.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""

B: I feel like I have pushed boundaries today.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

(Bethy rambling non-stop)
A: What is she talking about?
C: Oh...now she's just singing a Jewish song.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

C: Amy! You're being an ugly American
(then Ecuadorian lady starts singing 3 times as loud as Amy was)
C: And so is she.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A: How many times have we heard Don{t worry be happy?!?!
B: I'm about to worry.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%

C: Who is that person?
A: Elizabeth says that it is the Virgin Mary but she refuses to take a picture of her.
C: I dont think that is the Virgin Mary!! She is carrying a doll!!!
A: It's Jesus.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%

B: I used to fall off because I didn't have upper-body strength...but now I'm cut like marble.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

B: You're going to get that disease! Wait...I don't mean it...that was just a scare tactic!!

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

A: Do you want to be [B] or [E] on the blog?
B: Welll...it doesn't really matter...most of my friends would call me [L] for Libby.
A: In our family, L means...
B: LOSER!
C: Lesbian Beth. It means Lesbian.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A: I'm glad you brought your camera because people would never believe our tent! I don't know why I keep calling it a tent...It's really a CABANA!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

B: It's going to be fun to see what people sell...and they're all going to try to sell to us because we are the RICAS!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

C: It was nice, but I'm...How do you say?!...Scared of Jellyfish.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
A: Just give me a second...I'm trying to put your quote on the blog.
B: I'm just like Dad...I want to be the star of the blog!

cute and funny emails!!

From Dad:

Girls--Your Momma was discussing the kind of shape you left your rooms in and was giving me accusatory looks. I said I guess this is a good argument that genetics is stronger than the influence of a same sex role model. Your Momma quickly agreed; stating that you were all messy because of me. I responded that meant you were all smart and pretty because of me. Your Momma says that you are smart and pretty due to your same sex role model. I need some help with this. Any rational and cognizant comments would be appreciated. Love, DADDY



And an email poem From Caroline:

Amy, like flowers.
Always elegant, always
A pleasant surprise.

Bethy, noble, kind.
On the road, headed places.
She’s cute when dirty.

Courtney, (not Shortney!).
Tall in spirit, huge smile.
Massive in appeal.

Let´s get it started...hot!

Dad: You know what that is...TIME DELAY!!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Mom: The worst was that time when dad was so drunk that we couldn´t find the car. So there I was at the circus, with a four year old, an infant, and 8 months pregnant!!


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A: Has anything happened that we should write down for the blog?
C: NOTHING fun has happened today!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Amy: THat was LBJs favorite beer, too.
Bethy: THe most underrated president and the most underrated banks sister.

////////////////

A: Should I put that down?
B & C together: NO! It´s mean
B: We don´t write down mean stuff.
C: Then Courtney´s never going to get on the blog.


)))))))))))))))))

(Rafting guide pushes Amy in the water, then pushes bethy while she´s trying to lift amy into the raft)
B: Why?! I was just trying to help!!!


·································

(out of boat)
C: Oh man! I´ve got sea legs!!


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

C: I feel like I´m in star trek when I wear this outfit!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

C: How do you spell monkeys?
A: I do NOT know.

Holiday Hotness

 

Too Too Long

Amy: Do you want me to drive you home?
Barbie: I don't know where I'm going next...but it isn't home.

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Barbie: I'm not going to talk to my younger cousins...they were never there for me when I was drunk at the Chicken.


########################

Mom: It was touching me WAY too much!
Linda: (to Dad) Does she say that to you?
Dad: She just talks a LOT.

**************************

Linda: God! It looks like a pharmacy!
Mom: Yeah...We've got some sick people here.

*************************

Mom: You wouldn't believe the traffic in California! It was wild!
Green: You want to see crazy traffic...sit out front of the physician's center in your wheelchair and wait for the van to come.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

(about some random stranger)
Mom: She's mean.
Amy: She's hateful.
Mom: She's eating her doll. And now she's yelling "tattle teller" because she's such a little shit.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Bethy: How old do we have to be before we can stop doing the christmas card?
Mom: This year! I'll just tell everyone that Bethy had a giant hickey on her neck.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Amy: How do you spell hickey?
Bethy: with an E-Y- I think.
Amy: Okay...how about neck? With a K?

##################

Bethy: Momma would NEVER call me a slut.
Mom: Well...I wouldn't go that far.

*********************
Caroline: Well...I've got a paper to write, but I'm thinking that having my muse around will spark the creative juices!

Festival Fun

Lora: You used to give me SUCH a hard time!
Amy: Just once.
Lora: Once is enough to make you a hypocrite.

******************************

Amy: Aw fuck! Why can't I play that?
Courtney: Because you have no musical ability.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(van morrison)
Lora: I can't believe it! I thought he would be dead before I saw him in concert.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Courtney: She was wanting to be Mollege Bation, but...
Amy: She wasn't! Just tacky and rude.
Courtney: Yeah - I wanted to throw something at her, but I didn't.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Courtney: I'm SO happy!
Lora and Lindy: Me too! Me too!
Courtney: You don't understand...I didn't know I could be this happy for someone else.

Bethy's so wise...

I learn a lot from Bethy's blog....today I learned that I want to do my own Johari Window. I'd never seen one before, but it's quite exciting...you just go to this place and pick a few words that you think describe me and then we get to see where our ideas overlap!...AND then you can do your own! Go ahead...boost my self-confidence!
Fun!
Love!
Exclamation marks!!
AMY

http://kevan.org/johari?name=amybanks628

Cute

Sisters listening to music...if only there was a Bethy in this picture!!

 

crazy juice

(Our first television show)
Caroline: Let's get silly with Caroline and Amy! Today's guests...Green and Matthew.

#################################

Caroline: I told you I wanted the New Yorker, and now I enjoy that.
Amy: I told you I wanted a birthday present, and now I wait patiently.

Back in Business

I haven't updated in FOREVER! Part of the reason is that I've been AWFUL about this is that I haven't been writing very much down. Ahh! Special thanks to my faithful readers for yelling at me all the damn time about updating (I know they only check it because they want to see how funny they are!).

**************************

Joseph: Weren't there six of these? Where did they go, Amy?!
Amy: Stop. That makes me sound fat.
Lora: No...
Joseph: It makes you sound like a giant eggroll pig!

####################

Charis: Mmmm. Yummmm!! Bloody Mary's and bologne!!
Karlee: You are SO white trash right now.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(stranger walks into movie theater with her arms FULL of tons of food)
Caroline (yelling): Get it girl!!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Caroline: I guess I'll just take a taxi if you can't pick me up.
Amy: You can take the Super Shuttle.
Caroline: Listen. I'll decide if the shuttle is super.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Interesting note: Kristy gets the giggles anytime anybody says "wooly mammoth" and Charis has a ridiculous amount of information about that animal, leading Karlee to yell, "When did you become Bill Nye?"

************************
Natalie: Have you seen his kids?
Amy: No...but I bet they're UGLY!
Natalie: Yeah...but with curly hair. I want a kid with big curly hair.
Jessa: Yeah...kind of
Natalie: Kind of a LOT!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Dad (about mom being feisty like Green): It's my mom's fault. It's all that Freud shit...which is good because if you ever get into guys, you're likely to find somebody like me that's really good looking with great bullshit.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

CJ: He used to be a Whitelighter.
A: What does that mean.
Dad: Maybe that he's a dim bulb.

******************

Mom: That lady didn't pay enough money for her wig!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Mom: I've never been a dancer. Ask Dad.
Dad: She only did that when she was young and drunk and trying to pick up guys.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

(Mom, Dad, Courty, and I went to a VERY county dance in Madisonville for a work friend's birthday.)
Junior (Daylia's husband): There's going to be a lot of tight jeans and wrinkles tonight!

*********************

Random man to Leslie: You look better 'er damn time I see you...and I haven't even had my Jack Daniels yet tonight! (then he grabbed her ass)

Typical

Amy and Caroline 

Ha

 

You know it's a good party when somebody has to turn off the porch light

Andy and Charis...living the dream and tapping the keg! 

Game On!

Dad's a ping-pong Genius! I can't wait for the Caroline/Dad Rematch...talk about a great game!