Let the games begin!

(Amy burps)
Bethy: You offend every one of my sensibilities.

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Dad: Your lucky my parents had pug instead of schnauzers...that's why I married you, you know...
(Mom holds Suzie up to her face)
Mom: You mean I don't look like my precious daughter? I could be a schnauzer or a pug.

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Bethy: Is this on "Momma songs" too?
CJ: Oh yeah.
Bethy: Does mom like it?
Mom: NO
Bethy: You would, it's Dispatch.
Mom: No Bethy...Dispatch is like the Sheriff's office.

##############################

Bethy: Suzie bit Courtney's face and then tried to get my body.
Dad: My Suzie was just hurting...uh...Amy, would you come and get her?
Amy: Uh...no...I like my face and body just the way they are.

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Dad: So, where are we going before Ninfa's?
Mom: Nowhere, why?
Amy: He thinks you're going a weird way.
Bethy: The wrong way.
Dad: No...not the wrong way, just in the opposite direction.

#############################

(Dad realizes that he wasn't quoted in the last entry)
Dad: So...I have to be weird like your Mom to be quoted?
Mom: Well...you either have it or you don't.

#############################

Bethy: It's a lot better for me to drink one night with my friends than to drink every night with my sister, who's an alcoholic and pops a beer every time she's stressed.

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Mom: Is she writing that down.
Dad: I think we'll see that one again.
Mom: Oh that was a good one dad...you're getting the hang of it.
CJ: Well...I still don't get it...at Camp, they always say that I am the funny one.
Mom: Well...maybe you should just lighten up...then you might be funny.

############################

Dad: She's just enjoying her status as the Lucille Ball of her generation.
Amy: Good one dad.
Dad: I have them all the time...it just depends on whether or not people are listening.
CJ: That happens to me all the time, Dad...I mean...I recall a really funny conversation from Thanksgiving that never made it.

###########################

Mom: So...are you going to cry about it?
CJ: That would be a spoiled and immature way to handle it...the new Courtney just needs to make Bethy shut-up...she steals my limelight.

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Mom: Yeah..that's just an empty bottle...there aren't any pills in there.
Waiter: OH! Brussels Sprouts!! Woo...sorry...I was just being a weird guy.

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Mom: You need to drink that stuff everyday until you get regulated.
Bethy: What?! She's gonna get the shit shot out her butt?!
Mom: No...she's gonna get the momma version of a colonic.
Dad: I think Aunt Bonnie makes your mom regular.
Mom: You mean she makes me want to shit? You're right!!

##########################

Bethy: Ame...you really don't have to worry about me being skanky tonight.
Amy: I know...I'm just mainly scared for my thigh highs.
Bethy: I mean...all of my male friends are gay and all of my female friends are straight.