Dad: Now...about those fiber optics...
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Bethy: this is just the perfect kind of day. The kind of day when you don't need heat or air conditioning. This is the kind of day that I enjoy quite frequently back at school.
##########################
Bethy: Okay everybody...I'm going to go to sleep so that I can wake up and eat.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
More Holiday Happiness
(live band playing at crazy fancy restaurant)
Mom: (yelling) That's my SONG!!
CJ: What's your song?
Mom: (dancing a little) ooooh! The girl from Ipanema!
****************************************************************
Leslie: There are some people that make me just want to go in a corner and jack-off.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
One of Amy's defendants at probation: Well Hot damn!!...fucking A!!....I came to probation and I got a giant ham! I feel like I fucking walked into the damned north pole!"
*****************************************************
A: Ooooh! Tonight's Tuesday! That means another episode of Commander in Chief.
Bethy: I've never seen that show. Is it really as good as they say?
Mom: It's reaaaaallllly lame Beth.
Amy: NO...it's great.
Courtney: It's gooood.
Mom: No...it's so lame. so so so lame. Her husband's a weenie. Her daughter's a bitch...lame lame lame.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Mom: Amy gave away 29 hams today, dad.
Dad: Ain't nobody give out hams like Amy.
########################################
Amy: Dad...I might have poored you too much wine.
Dad: No such thing.
Amy: okay! Anybody else, Bethy? Courtney?
Mom: Courtney probably shouldn't have wine with her meds.
Amy: Yeah...that's what I told Tiffany today about cocaine and her meds.
Mom: That will kill her. It just killed one on the way Austin State Hospital the other day.
Amy: Yeah...she was on the A.C.T. team.
Mom: the act team...oh that was one of Darin's
Amy: Yeah...Karlee was upset.
Mom: Oooooh...cause her baaaaby got one kiiiiilllled.
#######################################
Mom: (pretending to be Alice) I don't know grandma. I go poopin in your house all the time. I go teetee in your house all the time. And you still love me!
(hears typing)
Mom: What are you writing amy? what are you writing amy?
Dad: What do you care? It's just making you more popular! It just makes you larger than life. I just wish I had that kind publicity.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Bethy: I used to drink every day of the week, but I stopped...well...momma told me to stop.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: Uh...you have something in your nose.
Bethy: Yeah. It's a bugger.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Mom: (yelling) That's my SONG!!
CJ: What's your song?
Mom: (dancing a little) ooooh! The girl from Ipanema!
****************************************************************
Leslie: There are some people that make me just want to go in a corner and jack-off.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
One of Amy's defendants at probation: Well Hot damn!!...fucking A!!....I came to probation and I got a giant ham! I feel like I fucking walked into the damned north pole!"
*****************************************************
A: Ooooh! Tonight's Tuesday! That means another episode of Commander in Chief.
Bethy: I've never seen that show. Is it really as good as they say?
Mom: It's reaaaaallllly lame Beth.
Amy: NO...it's great.
Courtney: It's gooood.
Mom: No...it's so lame. so so so lame. Her husband's a weenie. Her daughter's a bitch...lame lame lame.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Mom: Amy gave away 29 hams today, dad.
Dad: Ain't nobody give out hams like Amy.
########################################
Amy: Dad...I might have poored you too much wine.
Dad: No such thing.
Amy: okay! Anybody else, Bethy? Courtney?
Mom: Courtney probably shouldn't have wine with her meds.
Amy: Yeah...that's what I told Tiffany today about cocaine and her meds.
Mom: That will kill her. It just killed one on the way Austin State Hospital the other day.
Amy: Yeah...she was on the A.C.T. team.
Mom: the act team...oh that was one of Darin's
Amy: Yeah...Karlee was upset.
Mom: Oooooh...cause her baaaaby got one kiiiiilllled.
#######################################
Mom: (pretending to be Alice) I don't know grandma. I go poopin in your house all the time. I go teetee in your house all the time. And you still love me!
(hears typing)
Mom: What are you writing amy? what are you writing amy?
Dad: What do you care? It's just making you more popular! It just makes you larger than life. I just wish I had that kind publicity.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Bethy: I used to drink every day of the week, but I stopped...well...momma told me to stop.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: Uh...you have something in your nose.
Bethy: Yeah. It's a bugger.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Thursday, December 15, 2005
5 alive!! Banks family reunites!
Mom (to three year old visitor): Do you see baby Jesus?!!?! Baby Jesus is holding his hands up saying, "Yeah!!" He's happy to be here!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Amy: Jesus hates that.
CJ: When you have real kids you can't say that.
Amy: Yeah...I guess that might fuck them up...it doesn't even always feel good to say that.
Mom: It's really wrong. I think it might be worse than the g-word.
Amy: G-word?
Bethy: What?
Courtney: There's no g-word.
Mom: Yes! G-dammit!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Bethy: Oh my god! Alice is trying to eat baby Jesus!
Mom: She would never do that! She just wants that little bit of food.
Bethy: Uh...mom...
Mom: Oh shit! She is goin' for the Jesus!
*******************************************
Amy: enough. I'm going to throw-up.
Courtney: I really don't want to talk about this anymore. After January 8th you can talk about it all you want, but until then, keep it down.
Mom: Okay...we can't talk about it until she goes.
Bethy: Now we call my body "it!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
CJ:Good thing I can't drink on my meds. Then I'd be big as a house
Bethy:You'll have to smoke a lot of weed.
CJ:Don't you remember how that makes me skeeze out
Mom:It makes it worse you dumbass
Bethy:So...uh...what kind of substances will you be using?
###############################
Bethy:You know...I have a lot lower substance use than last year.
Mom: Bethy! Don't talk anymore! Shut uuuuppp!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Amy: Jesus hates that.
CJ: When you have real kids you can't say that.
Amy: Yeah...I guess that might fuck them up...it doesn't even always feel good to say that.
Mom: It's really wrong. I think it might be worse than the g-word.
Amy: G-word?
Bethy: What?
Courtney: There's no g-word.
Mom: Yes! G-dammit!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Bethy: Oh my god! Alice is trying to eat baby Jesus!
Mom: She would never do that! She just wants that little bit of food.
Bethy: Uh...mom...
Mom: Oh shit! She is goin' for the Jesus!
*******************************************
Amy: enough. I'm going to throw-up.
Courtney: I really don't want to talk about this anymore. After January 8th you can talk about it all you want, but until then, keep it down.
Mom: Okay...we can't talk about it until she goes.
Bethy: Now we call my body "it!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
CJ:Good thing I can't drink on my meds. Then I'd be big as a house
Bethy:You'll have to smoke a lot of weed.
CJ:Don't you remember how that makes me skeeze out
Mom:It makes it worse you dumbass
Bethy:So...uh...what kind of substances will you be using?
###############################
Bethy:You know...I have a lot lower substance use than last year.
Mom: Bethy! Don't talk anymore! Shut uuuuppp!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
really really Bethlehem
(at a Christmas festival...there was an area called Bethlehem where they stored the baby Jesus)
Natalie: We can go wherever you want as long as we don't cross that bridge and go to Bethlehem.
Isaac: Bethlehem is scary. It's really really scary in Bethlehem!
**********************************************
Isaac: Natalie's really really lucky with Nutria.
################################
Natalie: Ah! All of the food will be gone by the time we get back from Bethlehem...and I think Jesus will have come back.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: (to Alice) Momma loves you more than anyone has ever loved a dog.
Dad: You didn't know me and pooh.
Natalie: We can go wherever you want as long as we don't cross that bridge and go to Bethlehem.
Isaac: Bethlehem is scary. It's really really scary in Bethlehem!
**********************************************
Isaac: Natalie's really really lucky with Nutria.
################################
Natalie: Ah! All of the food will be gone by the time we get back from Bethlehem...and I think Jesus will have come back.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: (to Alice) Momma loves you more than anyone has ever loved a dog.
Dad: You didn't know me and pooh.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Madison and Josh...the latest blog stars!!
Madison: No Josh if they are all wrapped they are from mamma/daddy if they are not wrapped they are from Santa
Josh: Well.... what will be yours and what will be mine?
Madison: Josh... *heavy sigh* if it is girl stuff then it's mine, if it is boys stuff it's yours.
Josh: Oh I got it. but how does he make the fireplace bigger to get his big belly in and his reindeer?
Madison: He's magical, but the reindeer stay OUTSIDE not INSIDE. Now get up under the christmas and watch me ice skate and dance. You stay out of my way.
Josh: Okay Madison.
*********************************************************
Josh: mamma can I tell you something?
Missy: sure Josh. Use all those words you know.
Josh: Well.... can I tell you something?
Missy: I said yes. Tell me. What do you know? Show me all those words
Josh: Mom.... can I please tell you something?
Missy: No
Josh: okay, I will just go tell paw paw.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(mom plays solitare online against a jerk from Finland)
Courtney: I could probably take you.
Mom: Huh! Only the guy from Finland could kick my ass.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Caroline: I could beat up most of my family.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Caroline (about Matthew Berler): He's really popular with the 45-80 crowd.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
(Amy flexes again.)
Mom : This is a big deal. She's never had a muscle in her life.
###################################
Caroline: I take some medicine for excema.
Courtney: Bethy needs that.
Mom: No...not if she's getting naked everywhere.
Dad: Well...as long as she doesn't have the heartbreak of psoriasis.
###################################
Josh: (after working super hard to decorate the christmas tree) mamma... I really like our tree this year, we did it didn't we? Me and Madison and You put the star on top, aren't the lights very pretty?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(mom plays solitare online against a jerk from Finland)
Courtney: I could probably take you.
Mom: Huh! Only the guy from Finland could kick my ass.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Caroline: I could beat up most of my family.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Caroline (about Matthew Berler): He's really popular with the 45-80 crowd.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
(Amy flexes again.)
Mom : This is a big deal. She's never had a muscle in her life.
###################################
Caroline: I take some medicine for excema.
Courtney: Bethy needs that.
Mom: No...not if she's getting naked everywhere.
Dad: Well...as long as she doesn't have the heartbreak of psoriasis.
###################################
Josh: (after working super hard to decorate the christmas tree) mamma... I really like our tree this year, we did it didn't we? Me and Madison and You put the star on top, aren't the lights very pretty?
Missy: yes Josh. You did do it. You worked on it so hard. Mamma is very very proud of you, you and sis did a fine fine job. The lights are very pretty, do you like the ones that have lots of color or just white?
Josh: lots of color.
Missy: me too.
Josh: mamma I think the tree is so pretty I should just sleep under it tonight. I will be very careful and not move at all, okay?
##########################################
Amy: Where's my dog?
Mom: I don't know...I just found a place where she went teetee.
Dad: Let's trade her in.
Mom: She just thinks this whole house is her potty. Damn good thing we got 4000 square feet for a five pound dog to shit and pee all over.
##########################################
Amy: Where's my dog?
Mom: I don't know...I just found a place where she went teetee.
Dad: Let's trade her in.
Mom: She just thinks this whole house is her potty. Damn good thing we got 4000 square feet for a five pound dog to shit and pee all over.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Turkey day!
Mom: You have to eat little bitty pieces.
CJ: I can't believe we're sneak eating this pie...fat kids.
Mom: Little bitty piece.
Amy: I'll take whatever size Dad gets.
Dad: Yeah...I'll take about a third of that pie.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mom: Can you believe Barbie drives a Weinie Wagon? Every time I say it I laugh. It sounds so nasty...Dad, when you are talking about a pervert don't you sometimes call them a Weinie Wagger?
Dad: Why yes...in fact I'm representing a young man who is accused of being a weinie wagger.
Mom: Yeah. I just keep thinking that everybody's really proud that Barbie's got a new great job with a Weinie Wagger. Typical.
CJ: I can't believe we're sneak eating this pie...fat kids.
Mom: Little bitty piece.
Amy: I'll take whatever size Dad gets.
Dad: Yeah...I'll take about a third of that pie.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mom: Can you believe Barbie drives a Weinie Wagon? Every time I say it I laugh. It sounds so nasty...Dad, when you are talking about a pervert don't you sometimes call them a Weinie Wagger?
Dad: Why yes...in fact I'm representing a young man who is accused of being a weinie wagger.
Mom: Yeah. I just keep thinking that everybody's really proud that Barbie's got a new great job with a Weinie Wagger. Typical.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Courtney's on a roll
CJ: You cut your hand on that thing?! I'm telling you...it's a menace!!
******************************************
Mom: You say you're going to help and then you hide in your room.
Amy: I took a page from these two (points to Dad and then to Bethy's empty chair)
CJ: This one's the brightest crayon in the box. Just look at her!!! oh wait...she's not here.
##############################
CJ: Mom!! We were supposed to leave at 4:00!
Amy: Yeah...no one is paying us for this time.
CJ: You're giving them what they want! You just sold 15 minutes of your life to The Man.
******************************************
Mom: You say you're going to help and then you hide in your room.
Amy: I took a page from these two (points to Dad and then to Bethy's empty chair)
CJ: This one's the brightest crayon in the box. Just look at her!!! oh wait...she's not here.
##############################
CJ: Mom!! We were supposed to leave at 4:00!
Amy: Yeah...no one is paying us for this time.
CJ: You're giving them what they want! You just sold 15 minutes of your life to The Man.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Nipples, friends, and fashion
Mom: The good thing about going somewhere and looking real tacky is that they don't all swarm around me and try to help...although....that little guy at the furniture store was just about to have an orgasm he was so excited!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Caroline: These little Asian people at the festival forced me to get a massage and then they wouldn't stop rubbing my butt.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Aunt Gladys (age 90): Oooh! What color pants should I wear with this?!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Natalie: Your hair IS darker.
Amy: YEah. It makes me feel sassy like my Natalie.
Natalie: I don't usually feel sassy...just a little snobby.
#################################
Natalie: I am SO not into the faux fur movement.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
guy at party: This bitch sucked out both of my nipple rings when I was giving her a lap dance
(he raised his shirt to prove it)
____________________
Casey #2 at party: That guy wouldn't know a naked cousin in a wheat field.
######################
Mom: Who was that lady waiving at me?
Amy: It was somebody's mom.
CJ: Yeah...Kelli?
Amy: Logan.
Mom: Well...I had no idea who she was, but she was waiving so big I figured she must be my friend...or just really really want to be.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Caroline: These little Asian people at the festival forced me to get a massage and then they wouldn't stop rubbing my butt.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Aunt Gladys (age 90): Oooh! What color pants should I wear with this?!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Natalie: Your hair IS darker.
Amy: YEah. It makes me feel sassy like my Natalie.
Natalie: I don't usually feel sassy...just a little snobby.
#################################
Natalie: I am SO not into the faux fur movement.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
guy at party: This bitch sucked out both of my nipple rings when I was giving her a lap dance
(he raised his shirt to prove it)
____________________
Casey #2 at party: That guy wouldn't know a naked cousin in a wheat field.
######################
Mom: Who was that lady waiving at me?
Amy: It was somebody's mom.
CJ: Yeah...Kelli?
Amy: Logan.
Mom: Well...I had no idea who she was, but she was waiving so big I figured she must be my friend...or just really really want to be.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Friday, November 18, 2005
Little funny cousins
Josh (four years old): And then...we got to go down a big honkin' slide without buckling up!!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(7 of us crammed into two car seats)
Mom: Well this is cozy.
Missy: Nobody poot.
Madison (first grade): jooossshhh...
Mom: Aaaammmmyyyyy...
Madison: No. Jooosssshhhh....
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Josh: Amy! I really like that marker!!!
####################################
Josh: I liked it, but it was just too pricey.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Madison: Can I tell you something? His mask scared the dogs.
Missy: And who else?
Madison: Me. One time...he hid in the dirty clothes!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Courtney: (to mom) You know...you came in at the same time as my alarm went off, and all I wanted was to shut both of you up.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Courtney: Amy!!! Stop touching me!!
Amy: Mom...she has earwax build-up.
Courtney: You're invading my personal space. The fact that you can see my ear wax is proof.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(amy singing beautifully)
Courtney: Shut up!! Oh my God!! It's like we get in the car, and all bets are off. You think you can just be as loud as you want. Ahhhh!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Courtney: I only eat fish if it's fried.
Mom: That's not true.
Court: Yes it is...only fried catfish.
Mom: NO! You eat boiled shrimp.
Amy: OH mom!!! How many times...?
Court: It's not fish, momma.
Mom: Yes it is!!! It's served in every fish restaurant we eat at.
Court: We call it a SEAfood restaurant because they come from the sea. Shrimp are crustaceans.
Mom: Oooh! Use your big words!
*************************************
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(7 of us crammed into two car seats)
Mom: Well this is cozy.
Missy: Nobody poot.
Madison (first grade): jooossshhh...
Mom: Aaaammmmyyyyy...
Madison: No. Jooosssshhhh....
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Josh: Amy! I really like that marker!!!
####################################
Josh: I liked it, but it was just too pricey.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Madison: Can I tell you something? His mask scared the dogs.
Missy: And who else?
Madison: Me. One time...he hid in the dirty clothes!!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Courtney: (to mom) You know...you came in at the same time as my alarm went off, and all I wanted was to shut both of you up.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Courtney: Amy!!! Stop touching me!!
Amy: Mom...she has earwax build-up.
Courtney: You're invading my personal space. The fact that you can see my ear wax is proof.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(amy singing beautifully)
Courtney: Shut up!! Oh my God!! It's like we get in the car, and all bets are off. You think you can just be as loud as you want. Ahhhh!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Courtney: I only eat fish if it's fried.
Mom: That's not true.
Court: Yes it is...only fried catfish.
Mom: NO! You eat boiled shrimp.
Amy: OH mom!!! How many times...?
Court: It's not fish, momma.
Mom: Yes it is!!! It's served in every fish restaurant we eat at.
Court: We call it a SEAfood restaurant because they come from the sea. Shrimp are crustaceans.
Mom: Oooh! Use your big words!
*************************************
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Another round of chemical imbalance.
(Amy and Courtney are singing super loud...)
Mom: Oh! Why??!! Ahh!
Courtney: Mom...tell me...are you thinking self harm?
Mom: I'm thinking self harm and homicide.
Courtney: That's what they kept saying...are you thinking self harm? Do you have homicidal ideations? Self harm? homicidal ideations? I finally said...I really only have them when you ask me that damn question over and over.
***************************************
Amy: Courtney! I made a funny.
Courtney: Great.
Amy: I said, Dad eats so slow...he really takes it to the extreme...to the point of no return...until we're all thinking self harm.
Courtney: Yeah Ame. Good one.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Mom: I need to talk to you about Satellites.
Dad: I'm pretty nervous about Satellites...all that stuff the cable company said.
Mom: Honey they're big fat liars.
Dad: Well...I'm a big fat lawyer...so...
Mom: Oh! Why??!! Ahh!
Courtney: Mom...tell me...are you thinking self harm?
Mom: I'm thinking self harm and homicide.
Courtney: That's what they kept saying...are you thinking self harm? Do you have homicidal ideations? Self harm? homicidal ideations? I finally said...I really only have them when you ask me that damn question over and over.
***************************************
Amy: Courtney! I made a funny.
Courtney: Great.
Amy: I said, Dad eats so slow...he really takes it to the extreme...to the point of no return...until we're all thinking self harm.
Courtney: Yeah Ame. Good one.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Mom: I need to talk to you about Satellites.
Dad: I'm pretty nervous about Satellites...all that stuff the cable company said.
Mom: Honey they're big fat liars.
Dad: Well...I'm a big fat lawyer...so...
Friday, November 04, 2005
There are gays in Texas?!
(pass billboard about Proposition 2..."Vote yes...see the truth and light."
Dad: Yeah...I voted NO! I would love the gays to marry. I'm tired of hearing about this constitutional ban.
Amy: Right on! Yes!
Dad: I mean...it's good for my business...the more people that get married...the more people get divorced.
Amy: I'm going to go vote right now. I love to vote. I'm not sure if I'm registered. I'm just going to go over there and look.
Dad: Well...if they won't let you vote, you really shouldn't cause a scene.
Amy: Thanks for the tip!
*******************************
Amy: Mom!!! I just voted!! I love to vote!!! I voted in favor of gay marriage!!
Mom: In Texas?! How did I miss that?!
Amy: Well...it isn't really going to matter because of the laws that they already have...their just trying to make a constitutional amendment to ban it and we can vote against it.
Mom: Well great.
Amy: I've voted FOR gay marriage in TWO states!!! Yes!!! How many little ladies from College Station can say that?!
Mom: You're one of a kind.
########################
Mom: I just called to tell you that I'm bored to tears. I'm sitting in my car, watching them dig a grave at a cemetary.
Dad: Yeah...I voted NO! I would love the gays to marry. I'm tired of hearing about this constitutional ban.
Amy: Right on! Yes!
Dad: I mean...it's good for my business...the more people that get married...the more people get divorced.
Amy: I'm going to go vote right now. I love to vote. I'm not sure if I'm registered. I'm just going to go over there and look.
Dad: Well...if they won't let you vote, you really shouldn't cause a scene.
Amy: Thanks for the tip!
*******************************
Amy: Mom!!! I just voted!! I love to vote!!! I voted in favor of gay marriage!!
Mom: In Texas?! How did I miss that?!
Amy: Well...it isn't really going to matter because of the laws that they already have...their just trying to make a constitutional amendment to ban it and we can vote against it.
Mom: Well great.
Amy: I've voted FOR gay marriage in TWO states!!! Yes!!! How many little ladies from College Station can say that?!
Mom: You're one of a kind.
########################
Mom: I just called to tell you that I'm bored to tears. I'm sitting in my car, watching them dig a grave at a cemetary.
Monday, October 31, 2005
submit?!
Mom: I almost killed that man today...he said that she had learned her lesson and that she was going to "submit to thine husband"
Dad: OH FUCK! Bullshit!!
Mom: I love you. That was the perfect thing to say.
Dad: OH FUCK! Bullshit!!
Mom: I love you. That was the perfect thing to say.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Finding the Funny when a Family Member is Lost
Today, my family and I said goodbye to a phenomenal friend and relative. Not too terribly long ago, I made horrible fun of friends who cried at the loss of a dog, and I teased my Momma for calling Suzie my sister. Now I realize that losing a dog truly is very much like losing a family member. Suzie lived with us for seventeen amazing years, and I feel like we were all incredibly lucky to have and love her. She will be greatly missed!! I am certain that she is running, playing, and lounging on some incredible leather couch in the sky.
AMY
AMY
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Family Goodness
A: Turn your brain on!
Mom: He doesn't have one...The pistons just aren't going to connect.
Dad: I’m just about to clean-up what is quite literally the nastiest shit ever…Suzie…I love you so much!!
Courtney: Daddy…you’ve earned the right to choose where we go to dinner.
Dad: Yeah…I did Potty Patrol. Quite frankly, I’d be perfectly happy to pass the cup next time.
Amy: I’m no meaner than my grandmother.
Green: That’s right darlin’…you’re just 100% sweet.
Amy: They call me Angel Amy.
Green: Of course…and I’m Angel Maurine.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Natalie Birthday: "It's a Runted Baby Bear" weekend
Isaac: Look!!! It's a trailer!!!! There it is!!! The trailer!!
Natalie: Honey...it's called a train. God. We are from the country.
***************************
Amy: I kind of want a really big piece.
Natalie: That's kind of a really fat kid thing to say.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Natalie: Baby! You're putting your pee pee on Jessa's hand!!
Isaac: Ah!! I wasn't even thinking! That's not cool.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(talking about long-lost high school loves)
Jessa: You know...bushy eyebrows, Dr. Pepper, Juicy Apples...
Natalie: I know...his name was David Pa-resh.
Jessa: Woah...that sounds like David KaResh.
Amy: I never realized that! So creepy!!
Jessa: Wait!! You guys!! It's David Parish. wooo.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
(J jumps over N)
Jessa: Okay everybody! Over the cow! Over the cow!! Everybody.
Natalie: what?!
Jessa: Over the cow!!!
Natalie: I really hope your not talking about me.
____________________
(Andrew is Elizabeth Rankin's boyfriend...I might have insinuated to everyone that they were engaged...(they aren't) and they received a lot of congratulations...awesome.)
Andrew: So...are these couples we're about to meet engaged or are they just engaged like us?
***********************
Andrew: Yeah...so my blog is herrbah.
Amy: Oh I get it...like Mr. BAH. Mr BAAAH. Mr. Boring.
Andrew: Um...it's actually my last name.
**********************
Andrew: The only time no one made fun of me was in my academy class with this guy who has the last name Semen. His first name is Eric, but his dad's name is Peter White.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Elizabeth Rankin: Are you driving?
Andrew: Um...no...I thought we decided that when I kept and you slowed.
#######################
Amy: Officer Bob knows how to party!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Amy: I burned his pants...I wanted him to make a pair of cutoffs, but there was a hole right buy his little penis.
Andrew: I'm not sure that the diminutive was really necessary there.
Joseph: Woah. me neither.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
(about Jessa being Bahai and Jared being Jewish)
Andrew: Man!! They are going to have some crazy holidays!!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I can't do justice to the details, but Elizabeth told an awesome story about the first pelvic exam she ever gave as the primary doctor. The woman was mentally disabled, and started peeing on herself as soon as the exam began...E did her best to keep the pee off the floor...when the flow stopped, E started the exam, but had to use her fingers...the woman started moaning about how great it felt and how amazing it was...so E stopped.
Elizabeth: So basically...there's no way that any story will ever be better than that.
Andrew: There's no way that we're going to let some special person pee on you be the best thing that ever happens to you.
Natalie: Honey...it's called a train. God. We are from the country.
***************************
Amy: I kind of want a really big piece.
Natalie: That's kind of a really fat kid thing to say.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Natalie: Baby! You're putting your pee pee on Jessa's hand!!
Isaac: Ah!! I wasn't even thinking! That's not cool.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(talking about long-lost high school loves)
Jessa: You know...bushy eyebrows, Dr. Pepper, Juicy Apples...
Natalie: I know...his name was David Pa-resh.
Jessa: Woah...that sounds like David KaResh.
Amy: I never realized that! So creepy!!
Jessa: Wait!! You guys!! It's David Parish. wooo.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
(J jumps over N)
Jessa: Okay everybody! Over the cow! Over the cow!! Everybody.
Natalie: what?!
Jessa: Over the cow!!!
Natalie: I really hope your not talking about me.
____________________
(Andrew is Elizabeth Rankin's boyfriend...I might have insinuated to everyone that they were engaged...(they aren't) and they received a lot of congratulations...awesome.)
Andrew: So...are these couples we're about to meet engaged or are they just engaged like us?
***********************
Andrew: Yeah...so my blog is herrbah.
Amy: Oh I get it...like Mr. BAH. Mr BAAAH. Mr. Boring.
Andrew: Um...it's actually my last name.
**********************
Andrew: The only time no one made fun of me was in my academy class with this guy who has the last name Semen. His first name is Eric, but his dad's name is Peter White.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Elizabeth Rankin: Are you driving?
Andrew: Um...no...I thought we decided that when I kept and you slowed.
#######################
Amy: Officer Bob knows how to party!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Amy: I burned his pants...I wanted him to make a pair of cutoffs, but there was a hole right buy his little penis.
Andrew: I'm not sure that the diminutive was really necessary there.
Joseph: Woah. me neither.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
(about Jessa being Bahai and Jared being Jewish)
Andrew: Man!! They are going to have some crazy holidays!!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I can't do justice to the details, but Elizabeth told an awesome story about the first pelvic exam she ever gave as the primary doctor. The woman was mentally disabled, and started peeing on herself as soon as the exam began...E did her best to keep the pee off the floor...when the flow stopped, E started the exam, but had to use her fingers...the woman started moaning about how great it felt and how amazing it was...so E stopped.
Elizabeth: So basically...there's no way that any story will ever be better than that.
Andrew: There's no way that we're going to let some special person pee on you be the best thing that ever happens to you.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
More Family Fun
Dad: (about Alice) I'm sorry I yelled at your daughter. It's just that she was attacking the old dog. I've been fighting injustice all my life. I shouldn't have to do it at home.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Mom: I'm fifty-five! That's right!! Two nickels.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Green: At least I'm keeping things eventful for ya'll.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Mom: I'm fifty-five! That's right!! Two nickels.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Green: At least I'm keeping things eventful for ya'll.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Austin College: The fun's forever there!
Girl at bar: Can I hold "it"?!
Amy: Uh...well...we call her Alice...so probably not.
***********************
Girl at Bar #2: Look at the Gremlin!
Amy: Don't EVER say that again! Someone hand me my princess!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joseph (Trying to mend bridges and make me believe he loves Alice): I love it!!!
Lora (whispers): Are you kidding?! You must never call Alice it!
Joseph: I love that woman!!!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Amy: I can't go back to sleep quite yet. It's my new morning procedure.
Lora: Well...I'm up.
Amy: Then face the day! Turn on the TV, turn on the light, ...
Lora: Yeah - we can eat breakfast!
Amy: It's hot!
Lora: Who are you, Paris Hilton?
Amy: No...literally...the food is hot.
Lora: I know Ame...I was making a pun. Puns are great.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: I don't think Alice should have any more beer. It upset her tummy.
Lora: Yeah...it upset my tummy, too.
**********************************
Joseph: I went a little crazy at the HonduMex restaurant.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Lora: I really love you guys SOOO much!!!
############################
Joseph: What was the hit the year you were born? The hit!! The hit?!
Two random girls: Uh...I don't know.
Joseph: Mine was Betty Davis Eyes. What was the hit the year you were born? The hit!?
Girls: Um...I really don't know.
Joseph: Yes you do...it's okay...you can tell me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Amy: They call themselves Auntie NiNi and Tio Isaac.
Lora: I love it!! Does he still only speak Spanish to her?
A: Not enough?
L: That's a shame...she really shouldn't be denied that part of her heritage.
A: Alice is part Mexican?
L: Um...yes...she has a Tio!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Joseph: (about Alice) I like her.
A: Well show her...don't tell me.
J: She's my first niece
Lora: So...shower the loved with love
All singing LOUD: Shower the people you love with love!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: Let's talk just a little more about porn.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Amy: This would be so much better if we had tents and beer and live bands!!
Joseph: Huh? Are you at Princeton again?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joseph: Hmm...I don't remember looking like that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joseph: Look at my driver's license. It says I'm from AusITIN.
Lindy: I can't believe they can't spell it...it's the freakin' capital!!
Lora: AuSITIN is?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Lora: My class is making me hate and fear men.
Lindy: Well...statistically it's a good choice...if she chooses to say NO to penis and YES to clitoris...I can't really blame her.
____________________________
Amy: That asshole called my Alice a trend!!
Jill: He called her an accessory!
Lora: No way!
Amy: I know...so I said, "no! She's my life partner"
Joseph: One of them.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Joseph: All of his money comes from Strip Clubs.
Lora: Alexi is a stripper?! That explains a lot.
**********************************
Amy: Uh...well...we call her Alice...so probably not.
***********************
Girl at Bar #2: Look at the Gremlin!
Amy: Don't EVER say that again! Someone hand me my princess!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joseph (Trying to mend bridges and make me believe he loves Alice): I love it!!!
Lora (whispers): Are you kidding?! You must never call Alice it!
Joseph: I love that woman!!!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Amy: I can't go back to sleep quite yet. It's my new morning procedure.
Lora: Well...I'm up.
Amy: Then face the day! Turn on the TV, turn on the light, ...
Lora: Yeah - we can eat breakfast!
Amy: It's hot!
Lora: Who are you, Paris Hilton?
Amy: No...literally...the food is hot.
Lora: I know Ame...I was making a pun. Puns are great.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: I don't think Alice should have any more beer. It upset her tummy.
Lora: Yeah...it upset my tummy, too.
**********************************
Joseph: I went a little crazy at the HonduMex restaurant.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Lora: I really love you guys SOOO much!!!
############################
Joseph: What was the hit the year you were born? The hit!! The hit?!
Two random girls: Uh...I don't know.
Joseph: Mine was Betty Davis Eyes. What was the hit the year you were born? The hit!?
Girls: Um...I really don't know.
Joseph: Yes you do...it's okay...you can tell me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Amy: They call themselves Auntie NiNi and Tio Isaac.
Lora: I love it!! Does he still only speak Spanish to her?
A: Not enough?
L: That's a shame...she really shouldn't be denied that part of her heritage.
A: Alice is part Mexican?
L: Um...yes...she has a Tio!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Joseph: (about Alice) I like her.
A: Well show her...don't tell me.
J: She's my first niece
Lora: So...shower the loved with love
All singing LOUD: Shower the people you love with love!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Amy: Let's talk just a little more about porn.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Amy: This would be so much better if we had tents and beer and live bands!!
Joseph: Huh? Are you at Princeton again?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Joseph: Hmm...I don't remember looking like that.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joseph: Look at my driver's license. It says I'm from AusITIN.
Lindy: I can't believe they can't spell it...it's the freakin' capital!!
Lora: AuSITIN is?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Lora: My class is making me hate and fear men.
Lindy: Well...statistically it's a good choice...if she chooses to say NO to penis and YES to clitoris...I can't really blame her.
____________________________
Amy: That asshole called my Alice a trend!!
Jill: He called her an accessory!
Lora: No way!
Amy: I know...so I said, "no! She's my life partner"
Joseph: One of them.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Joseph: All of his money comes from Strip Clubs.
Lora: Alexi is a stripper?! That explains a lot.
**********************************
Tiny bit more California
(getting ready to play poker...green chips = money amount)
Brien: Uh Ame...John says he wants to be green!!
*****************************8
John: I don't gamble.
Brien: Yeah...he doesn't drink either. Isn't he precious? And by precious, I mean... a big ball of fun!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Dad: Alice! Leaveth!!
Amy: What?
Dad: I told her to Leaveth!!
Amy: Leaveth?!
Dad: That's what we say when we want her to stop touching something.
Amy: We usually just say Leave it!
Dad: I thought Leaveth sounded very intelligient.
Brien: Uh Ame...John says he wants to be green!!
*****************************8
John: I don't gamble.
Brien: Yeah...he doesn't drink either. Isn't he precious? And by precious, I mean... a big ball of fun!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Dad: Alice! Leaveth!!
Amy: What?
Dad: I told her to Leaveth!!
Amy: Leaveth?!
Dad: That's what we say when we want her to stop touching something.
Amy: We usually just say Leave it!
Dad: I thought Leaveth sounded very intelligient.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Bonanza
Brian: I am SOOO exciting!
Brien Bell: and by exciting...you mean excited?!
Brian: I am BOTH!
*****************************************
A: I might need to bathe before I go.
Melissa: Really?
A: Absolutely. Must.
Melissa: Wait... you need a bang before we go...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Brien: Your hair looks GREAT!
Amy: No ones hair looks great in a pony tail...except for Charlotte on Sex and the City...you guys don't even know sex in the city.
Brien: Yeah...but we knew sex in the suburbs.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(Reading Time article about gay teens...)
A: I wonder how you guys fit into the average age of same sex attraction scale?
Brien Bell: It was 6th grade (gives the name)
Brian Pick: 5th grade.
A: So...how do they compare to national average?
Brien Bell: Well...truth is...I used to kiss Michael Jordan on the TV when I was five.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(BP cuts himself putting one of the rockets together)
BB: You are bleeding so much! Why are you eating it like it's so good!
Amy: Just think about the scab!
***********************************
(interrupts the silence)
Brien: So! Are any of you big unicorn fans?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
BP: So...I can go to Harvard and take a year to get a master's...well...it will be my 2nd masters, actually.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
BB: (about Leena dating NFL guy) No one knows...she flies under the radar.
Leena: Or maybe OVER!
BP: Um...Guys...it's almost time for the launch.
***************************************
BP: Abort! Aborting ignition sequence!!!
BB: Aborting the ignition sequence?! You're blue balling us.
*****************************************
Brien: "Yes ladies and gentlemen...we're here for the attempt number four of Alpha 1406 rocket launch"
(Brian can't make it go)
Random man in spontaneous audience: HOUSTON! We have a problem!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
BP: Nothing works today. This is the worst day ever.
BB: Oh great.
A: What a disaster!
BP: I mean...we even had a launch site.
*************************************
BB: I remember thinking that wasn't your handwriting
Melissa: Well...things change once you're no longer a virgin.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Amy: Yeah...my blog's a lot like springstreet only it's a lot more about me.
###########################
Brien Bell: and by exciting...you mean excited?!
Brian: I am BOTH!
*****************************************
A: I might need to bathe before I go.
Melissa: Really?
A: Absolutely. Must.
Melissa: Wait... you need a bang before we go...
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Brien: Your hair looks GREAT!
Amy: No ones hair looks great in a pony tail...except for Charlotte on Sex and the City...you guys don't even know sex in the city.
Brien: Yeah...but we knew sex in the suburbs.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(Reading Time article about gay teens...)
A: I wonder how you guys fit into the average age of same sex attraction scale?
Brien Bell: It was 6th grade (gives the name)
Brian Pick: 5th grade.
A: So...how do they compare to national average?
Brien Bell: Well...truth is...I used to kiss Michael Jordan on the TV when I was five.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(BP cuts himself putting one of the rockets together)
BB: You are bleeding so much! Why are you eating it like it's so good!
Amy: Just think about the scab!
***********************************
(interrupts the silence)
Brien: So! Are any of you big unicorn fans?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
BP: So...I can go to Harvard and take a year to get a master's...well...it will be my 2nd masters, actually.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
BB: (about Leena dating NFL guy) No one knows...she flies under the radar.
Leena: Or maybe OVER!
BP: Um...Guys...it's almost time for the launch.
***************************************
BP: Abort! Aborting ignition sequence!!!
BB: Aborting the ignition sequence?! You're blue balling us.
*****************************************
Brien: "Yes ladies and gentlemen...we're here for the attempt number four of Alpha 1406 rocket launch"
(Brian can't make it go)
Random man in spontaneous audience: HOUSTON! We have a problem!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
BP: Nothing works today. This is the worst day ever.
BB: Oh great.
A: What a disaster!
BP: I mean...we even had a launch site.
*************************************
BB: I remember thinking that wasn't your handwriting
Melissa: Well...things change once you're no longer a virgin.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Amy: Yeah...my blog's a lot like springstreet only it's a lot more about me.
###########################
Monday, October 03, 2005
Livin' La Vida LSAT
I took the LSAT on Saturday morning...Jessa, Natalie, and Jared all drove in to celebrate...they ended up meeting the rest of us at the hospital, kissed Green, and the three of them took off with me, momma, and dad to get some margaritas.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(To Jared and Jessa who are not engaged)
Mom: Let's get down to the nitty gritty. Okay...so. When is the wedding?!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(Lull in dinner conversation)
Mom: So...I've got some light fixture books in the car. Would anyone like to look at them?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jessa: Then, Natalie and I...wait...we were smelling...why were we smelling that tree?!
Natalie: Because there was nothing else to do.
************************************
Natalie: and then he yelled, "Baby! Move it!!"
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Mom: I used to be so jealous...I mean...they made going to the grocery store sound like it was just a circus and shit.
************************************
(about Dad's family)
Mom: I felt very out of place.
#############################
Dad: I was trying to protect her...you see...I have this cousin named Squeaky.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Will: (7 year old in Jessa's theater class) Have we had a chance to talk to the director about our personal experience? I'm a really great whistler, he should really know that.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((9
A: I loved her because Natalie loved her, but at the end of the day, she was just a panty eater.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Green: (in her prissiest voice) Amy...you musn't argue with me...I ust simply don't have the strength.
A: I wasn't trying to argue.
G: I know...you were just trying to convince.
A: I learned that trick from this really stubborn old lady.
G: I wonder who that is?! Wait! Hey! She's not that old.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
3:15 AM...Green wakes up suddenly
G: Ah! You musn't study me that way!!!
A: It's probably pretty creapy to wake up and...
G: See someone staring at you...YES!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Mom: I'm so thirsty I could drink a lake. I can't believe that Suzie is sick. Of course, I just had to hit the red light. I'm just thirsty.
A: You really do have just your own little running monologue when we are in the car.
M: Because I have to listen to Dad talk if I don't...he usually just says dribble.
D: And yours has been so insightful: lakes, suzie, lights
M:I'm SO thirsty.You know...I think I saw this same truck the other day...I mean...how many of that truck are there...it's got that crazy barbedwire on the flag...I've never seen anyone do that. Have you? Probably not...I mean, only a real dip shit would do that.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(To Jared and Jessa who are not engaged)
Mom: Let's get down to the nitty gritty. Okay...so. When is the wedding?!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(Lull in dinner conversation)
Mom: So...I've got some light fixture books in the car. Would anyone like to look at them?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jessa: Then, Natalie and I...wait...we were smelling...why were we smelling that tree?!
Natalie: Because there was nothing else to do.
************************************
Natalie: and then he yelled, "Baby! Move it!!"
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Mom: I used to be so jealous...I mean...they made going to the grocery store sound like it was just a circus and shit.
************************************
(about Dad's family)
Mom: I felt very out of place.
#############################
Dad: I was trying to protect her...you see...I have this cousin named Squeaky.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Will: (7 year old in Jessa's theater class) Have we had a chance to talk to the director about our personal experience? I'm a really great whistler, he should really know that.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((9
A: I loved her because Natalie loved her, but at the end of the day, she was just a panty eater.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Green: (in her prissiest voice) Amy...you musn't argue with me...I ust simply don't have the strength.
A: I wasn't trying to argue.
G: I know...you were just trying to convince.
A: I learned that trick from this really stubborn old lady.
G: I wonder who that is?! Wait! Hey! She's not that old.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
3:15 AM...Green wakes up suddenly
G: Ah! You musn't study me that way!!!
A: It's probably pretty creapy to wake up and...
G: See someone staring at you...YES!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Mom: I'm so thirsty I could drink a lake. I can't believe that Suzie is sick. Of course, I just had to hit the red light. I'm just thirsty.
A: You really do have just your own little running monologue when we are in the car.
M: Because I have to listen to Dad talk if I don't...he usually just says dribble.
D: And yours has been so insightful: lakes, suzie, lights
M:I'm SO thirsty.You know...I think I saw this same truck the other day...I mean...how many of that truck are there...it's got that crazy barbedwire on the flag...I've never seen anyone do that. Have you? Probably not...I mean, only a real dip shit would do that.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Hospital's get even more hilarious
A: You have that horrified look on your face again.
Green: Well yes...I get that when you mess with my parts.
**********************************************
Green: I had the most horrid dinner.
Mom: What?!
Green: Mashed potatos and squash.
Mom: You love that.
Green: Not like this.
Mom: Well...that pureed food just isn't going to taste that great...it's like baby food...WAIT! Baby food might not be such a bad idea.
A: Now it's advanced.
Mom: Yeah...they have some for bigger toddlers.
Dad: Granny's definitely a bigger toddler.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mom: Amy! You were not looking. You just ran over that man. Oh great...you still aren't looking.
Dad: I stepped right in front of a car today when I was walking to the Courthouse.
Mom: You two!
Dad: I never do that...but I guess it would just take once.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Mom talks nonstop and super cute the whole way home...UNTIL
Mom: Those people in that house have their computer screen on the same thing all the time. The image just never changes. What do you think about that?
Dad: I guess I just wonder if they're watching us, too.
Green: Well yes...I get that when you mess with my parts.
**********************************************
Green: I had the most horrid dinner.
Mom: What?!
Green: Mashed potatos and squash.
Mom: You love that.
Green: Not like this.
Mom: Well...that pureed food just isn't going to taste that great...it's like baby food...WAIT! Baby food might not be such a bad idea.
A: Now it's advanced.
Mom: Yeah...they have some for bigger toddlers.
Dad: Granny's definitely a bigger toddler.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mom: Amy! You were not looking. You just ran over that man. Oh great...you still aren't looking.
Dad: I stepped right in front of a car today when I was walking to the Courthouse.
Mom: You two!
Dad: I never do that...but I guess it would just take once.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Mom talks nonstop and super cute the whole way home...UNTIL
Mom: Those people in that house have their computer screen on the same thing all the time. The image just never changes. What do you think about that?
Dad: I guess I just wonder if they're watching us, too.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
hospital's humor
Mom: I wonder when they're going to let you go home?
Green: Tomorrow.
Mom: Did they tell you that?
Green: I made it up.
************************************************
(Amy tells story about amazingly kind Dr. on Nip/Tuck TV show)
Mom: He's a Dog.
A: What?
Mom: A DOG!
A: Why do you say that?
Mom: Um...dog the bounty hunter!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Dad: Every time I go up there (to the hospital), that other old lady is taking a dump.
A: Oh.
Dad: And I'm sick of that shit!! Literally!
A: Well...she probably doesn't go to do it...I mean...do you really think she sits back and thinks, "I bet that Philip Banks is coming in, I want to show him my ass and go poopin"
Dad: Yeah...it's a conspiracy...kind of like forward stalking.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Green: Tomorrow.
Mom: Did they tell you that?
Green: I made it up.
************************************************
(Amy tells story about amazingly kind Dr. on Nip/Tuck TV show)
Mom: He's a Dog.
A: What?
Mom: A DOG!
A: Why do you say that?
Mom: Um...dog the bounty hunter!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Dad: Every time I go up there (to the hospital), that other old lady is taking a dump.
A: Oh.
Dad: And I'm sick of that shit!! Literally!
A: Well...she probably doesn't go to do it...I mean...do you really think she sits back and thinks, "I bet that Philip Banks is coming in, I want to show him my ass and go poopin"
Dad: Yeah...it's a conspiracy...kind of like forward stalking.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sunday, September 25, 2005
A little more San Marcos goodness
A: He's going to fart right on you.
Natalie: It wouldn't be the first time.
A: Wait... Boys don't fart.
Isaac: That's right. We don't toot, and we don't wear panties.
**********************************
Natalie: Come here Alice...you and Auntie NiNi need to have a serious talk.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Isaac: I'm serious. Their babies...they're going to have Chewbaccas together.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
1st grader Evan: STREY!!! I think there's blood out of my nose.
Natalie: Have you been picking it?!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Natalie: It wouldn't be the first time.
A: Wait... Boys don't fart.
Isaac: That's right. We don't toot, and we don't wear panties.
**********************************
Natalie: Come here Alice...you and Auntie NiNi need to have a serious talk.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Isaac: I'm serious. Their babies...they're going to have Chewbaccas together.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
1st grader Evan: STREY!!! I think there's blood out of my nose.
Natalie: Have you been picking it?!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Monday, September 12, 2005
bits and pieces of the goodness
It is SOOO hard to pay attention and write down all of the funny things that my wonderful friends say...here's just a tiny snippet.
Amy: I'm not doing my work!! I just can't get off the computer!!
Isaac: Amy...am I going to have to take it away from you?
Amy: I don't know...I even put it in a weird place so that I wouldn't be comfortable.
Isaac: Yeah...you've been on your knees for like 15 minutes.
Amy (singing): Get down girl. Go ahead. Get down.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Amy: I can't believe you'd always known about masturbation and you guys never clued me in.
Natalie: I guess we just figured you would catch on.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Jessa: I'm SO jealous. Natalie called and told me that you guys were hiding behind napkins.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(we went to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose...totally freaked me out...a big piece of the movie talks about how 3:00 am is the witching hour...and all of the creapy shit happens at that time...so the night we saw the movie...)
precisely 3:00 am: (Amy's phone) "Ain't nothing like the real thing baby. Ain't nothing like the REAL thing."
3:02 am (message received signal:) "Let's get it ON! Woah...Let's get it on!"
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Mich: So...we went to the drive-in and ate the pot brownie. We watched March of the Penguins. Those penguins were amazing.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Edgar: Natalie, do you now how to Country Dance?
Natalie: HONEY, I raised rabbits!!
Amy: I'm not doing my work!! I just can't get off the computer!!
Isaac: Amy...am I going to have to take it away from you?
Amy: I don't know...I even put it in a weird place so that I wouldn't be comfortable.
Isaac: Yeah...you've been on your knees for like 15 minutes.
Amy (singing): Get down girl. Go ahead. Get down.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Amy: I can't believe you'd always known about masturbation and you guys never clued me in.
Natalie: I guess we just figured you would catch on.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Jessa: I'm SO jealous. Natalie called and told me that you guys were hiding behind napkins.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(we went to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose...totally freaked me out...a big piece of the movie talks about how 3:00 am is the witching hour...and all of the creapy shit happens at that time...so the night we saw the movie...)
precisely 3:00 am: (Amy's phone) "Ain't nothing like the real thing baby. Ain't nothing like the REAL thing."
3:02 am (message received signal:) "Let's get it ON! Woah...Let's get it on!"
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Mich: So...we went to the drive-in and ate the pot brownie. We watched March of the Penguins. Those penguins were amazing.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Edgar: Natalie, do you now how to Country Dance?
Natalie: HONEY, I raised rabbits!!
Friday, July 15, 2005
hot and happy
B: I had this dream that our roommate was talking on the phone in another language...but I understood her. She said, "All of my friends are in another room and I have to sleep with these three fat Americans" Did that really happen?
·····················································································································
C: I was in and out consciousness all night.
A: Yeah...you should take more benadryl...but not four...I still feel a little bit droggy...wait a minute...DROGGY...is that right?
C: Um...no. You combined Dog with Groggy.
·····················································································································
B: I´m going to always where white linen when I get older.
C: When I´m old...I´m going to wear the same thing over and over. You can´t do that with linen. I´m still going to be very CHICK though.
A: Maybe you mean chic?
····················································································································
(our first coed hostel room)
A: So...what do you make of naked guy?
C: He´s real old.
A: yeah.
B: Well...he´s like 30. So he might be old to us but probably not to Amy.
·····················································································································
C: I was in and out consciousness all night.
A: Yeah...you should take more benadryl...but not four...I still feel a little bit droggy...wait a minute...DROGGY...is that right?
C: Um...no. You combined Dog with Groggy.
·····················································································································
B: I´m going to always where white linen when I get older.
C: When I´m old...I´m going to wear the same thing over and over. You can´t do that with linen. I´m still going to be very CHICK though.
A: Maybe you mean chic?
····················································································································
(our first coed hostel room)
A: So...what do you make of naked guy?
C: He´s real old.
A: yeah.
B: Well...he´s like 30. So he might be old to us but probably not to Amy.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
When in Rome...
B: I really wish I ad seen them make fun of you...I kind of wish they would make fun of me...then I would yell, "Do you speak English? Do you know what get the fuck out of my face means?"...no...I'd probably just yell, "Get off my junk!"
A: Get off my junk? That would confuse them even if they could speak English!
B: That'd be something to put in a travelogue..."and Bethy said, 'get off my junk' and the Hungarians went hysterical!"
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
B: I really need a restroom.
A: Take one for the team and go on yourself.
££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££
(seeing the David)
C: Well...there he is...the work himself!!
A: Hey guy.
ééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééé
(We "write" pretend letters to mom and dad ALL of the time)
B: Dear Daddy, Having a great time in Florence. I really like the pizza and gelato here. I worry sometimes that I'm going to go back home and not be able to eat the pizza and icecream without vomiting. I think about it often. Thinking of you often, Your loving daughter, Bethy
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
B: I hope the monks make fun of you...I hope they call you "Little-Blonde-Shits-her-pants"
C: Monks don't give Indian names!!!
A: Get off my junk? That would confuse them even if they could speak English!
B: That'd be something to put in a travelogue..."and Bethy said, 'get off my junk' and the Hungarians went hysterical!"
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
B: I really need a restroom.
A: Take one for the team and go on yourself.
££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££££
(seeing the David)
C: Well...there he is...the work himself!!
A: Hey guy.
ééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééé
(We "write" pretend letters to mom and dad ALL of the time)
B: Dear Daddy, Having a great time in Florence. I really like the pizza and gelato here. I worry sometimes that I'm going to go back home and not be able to eat the pizza and icecream without vomiting. I think about it often. Thinking of you often, Your loving daughter, Bethy
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
B: I hope the monks make fun of you...I hope they call you "Little-Blonde-Shits-her-pants"
C: Monks don't give Indian names!!!
Sunday, July 03, 2005
I'm Hungary!
B: Dad and I would be the best Amazing Race team!
A: No...you'd just sit around talking to eachother...but America would love you.
B: We're actually very competitive.
C: You guys are competitive like Mathletes are competitive.
*************************************************
C: I like Budapest.
A: Me too...I just don't like...
C: The people!!
B: When this whole bus attacks you two, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to get my eurorail pass from Courtney's pouch and carry on my merry way.
A: But you wouldn't have any money.
B: Well...I can dance a bit.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(At huge flight of stairs enroute to Labyrinth)
C: I don't even know what a fucking labyrinth is! I'm not doing this. You don't even know where the fuck it is and you're making me walk up these steps. I'm not doing this. Here is a bench. You can't even find it on a map. You go have fun...come and get me when you're done.
(she ended up making it up the stairs...we never found the labyrinth)
*************************************************
C: Bethy was just talking to herself...she had no idea we were lost.
B: We weren't lost! We were just finding a different way!!
A: No...you'd just sit around talking to eachother...but America would love you.
B: We're actually very competitive.
C: You guys are competitive like Mathletes are competitive.
*************************************************
C: I like Budapest.
A: Me too...I just don't like...
C: The people!!
B: When this whole bus attacks you two, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to get my eurorail pass from Courtney's pouch and carry on my merry way.
A: But you wouldn't have any money.
B: Well...I can dance a bit.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
(At huge flight of stairs enroute to Labyrinth)
C: I don't even know what a fucking labyrinth is! I'm not doing this. You don't even know where the fuck it is and you're making me walk up these steps. I'm not doing this. Here is a bench. You can't even find it on a map. You go have fun...come and get me when you're done.
(she ended up making it up the stairs...we never found the labyrinth)
*************************************************
C: Bethy was just talking to herself...she had no idea we were lost.
B: We weren't lost! We were just finding a different way!!
Saturday, July 02, 2005
European Adventure
A: We're going to Amsterdam!
B: Do you think they'll let us smoke a bowl on the plane?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
C: Get off the road old man!
B: Courtney! He could have been a veteran!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Flight attendant: Did you decorate those bags yourselves?
C: Yes ma'am. We didn't want them to match.
F.A. : oh I love it! I might do that to my daughter's backpack...she's going to first grade...she would love that.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
A: America will love that!
B: So...is this trip kind of like our postcard to America?!
***********************************************
A: You sure are smacking that gum.
C: It's the only way to chew.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
C: (translating Spanish at the Heineken factory after three beers) And then, the sober people of the whole world would unite.
A: Uh...CJ...sobre means "all over," not sober.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
B: I saved the team again.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
B: Some people might say that this outfit doesn't work...but if you really own it, anything can work. Fashion tips from Bethy...priceless!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
B: There are a lot of roller bladers here. Maybe there's a race.
A:Or a tournament?
C: Tour de Germany?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
B: I'm going to be a real bronzed goddess when we get back.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
B: So...I'll only give a timeout to someone who is going to hurt themselves, us, or public property...AND...2 out of 3 must agree...AND...AND...
C: You certainly know a lot about the timeout system.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(leaving museum)
A: This place is all Jesus and Boobs!
********************************************
B: Momma said, "lying rocks my face off!"... And then she shimmied a whole lot.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Sign: Tunnel is polluted. Not recommended for pedestrians.
C: Something tells me that if the communists warn you, you should listen.
************************************************
Pledge: We will be funnier and post more SOON! A, B, C
B: Do you think they'll let us smoke a bowl on the plane?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
C: Get off the road old man!
B: Courtney! He could have been a veteran!!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Flight attendant: Did you decorate those bags yourselves?
C: Yes ma'am. We didn't want them to match.
F.A. : oh I love it! I might do that to my daughter's backpack...she's going to first grade...she would love that.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
A: America will love that!
B: So...is this trip kind of like our postcard to America?!
***********************************************
A: You sure are smacking that gum.
C: It's the only way to chew.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
C: (translating Spanish at the Heineken factory after three beers) And then, the sober people of the whole world would unite.
A: Uh...CJ...sobre means "all over," not sober.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
B: I saved the team again.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
B: Some people might say that this outfit doesn't work...but if you really own it, anything can work. Fashion tips from Bethy...priceless!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
B: There are a lot of roller bladers here. Maybe there's a race.
A:Or a tournament?
C: Tour de Germany?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
B: I'm going to be a real bronzed goddess when we get back.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
B: So...I'll only give a timeout to someone who is going to hurt themselves, us, or public property...AND...2 out of 3 must agree...AND...AND...
C: You certainly know a lot about the timeout system.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(leaving museum)
A: This place is all Jesus and Boobs!
********************************************
B: Momma said, "lying rocks my face off!"... And then she shimmied a whole lot.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Sign: Tunnel is polluted. Not recommended for pedestrians.
C: Something tells me that if the communists warn you, you should listen.
************************************************
Pledge: We will be funnier and post more SOON! A, B, C
Friday, April 29, 2005
Life is Good!
Matthew: Aaaaaa PLUS! A Plus! A Plus!! Hey Ms. Banks! Do I have to hide this under a bushel?
Ms. B: No! Let it shine!
*****************************************
Mrs. Pick (at "gender illusionist" restaurant): Oh my...she has the deepest voice!
*****************************************
Amy: I might have forgotten to tell you that story...you know...this mom brought a video of her kids and every two seconds the voice behind the camera yelled...wooo wooo! So...I'm going to start saying that.
Brien: Good...you needed something else to yell.
Brian; Than god you won't be so quiet anymore.
Ms. B: No! Let it shine!
*****************************************
Mrs. Pick (at "gender illusionist" restaurant): Oh my...she has the deepest voice!
*****************************************
Amy: I might have forgotten to tell you that story...you know...this mom brought a video of her kids and every two seconds the voice behind the camera yelled...wooo wooo! So...I'm going to start saying that.
Brien: Good...you needed something else to yell.
Brian; Than god you won't be so quiet anymore.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Lovin' the Rich Coast
BP = Hecka Hot Brian Pick
BB = The Great Brien Bell
M = Melissa "Lady Loves Life" McGonegle
A = Amy
********************************
BP: Can we just take a minute to note that Melissa talked the whole shuttle trip.
********************************
MM: I'll be in charge of morale!!
********************************
M: I think porn is the universal language!
BP: Hmm...I really like to think that it's love.
*******************************
BP: Ay Caramba! Autobus muy grande!
******************************
BB: His little friend doesn't really speak.
BP: He doesn't need to.
BB: Yeah...that's the way I like it- Si! Si!!
BP: Mas! Mas!
********************************
BB: Was that a good question?
AB: What'd you ask?
BB: Hola!! Como estas? I think that's exactly what a Spaniard would ask.
********************************
BB: Dos Cervezas!
M: Why does everyone keep talking about my cervix?!
********************************
M: (to Miguel) Que haces ahora? (she shakes her boobs) Bailar? Beber?
(Miguel had stomach bacteria so he had to turn her down)
BP: It was time to GO! Lady was getting crazy.
********************************
(M can't stop talking about sugar packets)
BB: Woah - I really can't talk about this right now.
********************************
(M has a little soap opera soliloquy)
BB: Oh Melissa! Come on! Put yourself in our shoes!
********************************
M: Is that the sound of a howler monkey?
BP: No! They go...holla! Holla!
A: Um...no...they say...Hol-ler!
********************************
BB: Do your shoes have 4-wheel-drive?
BP: Watch this!
*******************************
BB: I'll give you 5 to 1 that the light has been turned off...10 colones to 50. Who's in?
M: I'll take it.
A: It's a sucker bet.
M: Whatever...we're talking about a fraction of a penny.
BB: Woah...Mama Warbucks over here.
*******************************
BB: I understand...I mean...you wouldn't want to be known as the hotel where everyone's shittin'!
******************************
BB: Doh! Amy found the chips!
******************************
BP: Homey don't play that game...No...make that HOMO don't play that game.
*****************************
(Blood pressure)
BP: It just depends on a lot of things...like if you're there to get your vag chacked.
*****************************
M: Why would you think I would strangle a bird?
BB: Because you are a cruel, miserable, bird-hating, awful excuse for a nature-loving, hormonal, crazy person.
M: Yeah. My friends used to call me nature hater.
****************************
(BP Grinding teeth at 4 am after the Volcano eruption)
A: Why don't you put some paper in your mouth.
BP: I have a bite plate.
M: No - I like the paper - that makes confetti!
BB: Yeah...go on and put some corn in...grind it all up...make cornmeal.
*****************************
BB: Who's with you today in the audience? My partner Brian.
BP: ooooh...I hate that...partner....oooh.
M: Partner? Audience?
A: Um...he's on a game show right now.
*****************************
BP: I'm bleeding.
M: You're bleeding again?
BP: I picked a scab off my boob.
BB: Did you eat it?
BP: Yes.
*****************************
BP: (very matter-of-factly) They started makeing cheese and now they produce cheese for everyone.
BB: Cheese for everyone! You! Me! Come here and you will eat cheese!!! Cheese!!!!
****************************
BP: Trapp family lodge.
M: Not Van Trapp?
BB: No. They wanted to save on signage!
BP: Look! It's written like it's in Swiss!
*****************************
(BP gives huge lecture about silence in the forest and the importance of first impressions...THEN, he farts super loud.)
M: Now...who's respecting silence?
Random Tico: What type of frog was that? New species?
***************************
BB: We didn't cross a one-lane bridge before, so would you MIND checking the map? Great.
Great...we just crossed a river!
BP: No problem...um...I think we just went around the cheese factory.
***************************
M: 3% of Costa Ricans are Jewish.
BP: Great! We've got more gays than they've got Jews...I hope...
****************************
BB: OK...there will be 3 choices. When you look at that bird, do you think
a) I want to shoot it.
b) I want to put it in a cage and keep it.
c) I want to look at it.
AB: Look at it...is that what you thought?
BB: Well...initially, I thought look at it, but now I think (does big gun motion with hands).
***************************
BB: What's happening to me?! I just have to remember that I'm not 20 anymore.
**************************
(leaving Jaco dance club)
BP: It was like a wet dream in there! Well...maybe not because there were only 2 boys.
M: You don't know...maybe they were all L's.
**************************
(pope)
BB: This isn't really breaking news. It's an old man in a bed.
BP: Yeah...you're just not a...Catholic...person.
**************************
BP: Sorry...I wasn't listening...does anyone want a coke?
BB: Yeah...I want a sip of yours.
BP: Anyone else?
AB: Oh yes please! I'd love a sip of yours.
BP: okay...I'm not gonna get one.
**************************
BB: Look at all that fruit! ...and we can't even eat it!
A: Whatever. I see a Coco...don't try to tell me someone couldn't make me a drink!
**************************
BP: By the way, I got beautiful color today, Bri.
**************************
BP: John Candy..great!
A: People get him confused with, who?
BB: John Goodman.
M: yeah...they were both big and fat.
**************************
BP: I might have a tape worm.
A: Yeah...I really hope you do.
**************************
A: Who are you?
BP: Brian Jeffrey Pick...don't wear it out!
M: Welcome back to 1987.
BP: I should have said, "don't forget it!" NUTS!
**************************
M: Can I play with the umbrella?
BP: NO! I'm playing with it. You can play with this corka.
**************************
BB: Te amo.
BP: Te amo muchisimo
BB: Te amo muchi-long time.
BB = The Great Brien Bell
M = Melissa "Lady Loves Life" McGonegle
A = Amy
********************************
BP: Can we just take a minute to note that Melissa talked the whole shuttle trip.
********************************
MM: I'll be in charge of morale!!
********************************
M: I think porn is the universal language!
BP: Hmm...I really like to think that it's love.
*******************************
BP: Ay Caramba! Autobus muy grande!
******************************
BB: His little friend doesn't really speak.
BP: He doesn't need to.
BB: Yeah...that's the way I like it- Si! Si!!
BP: Mas! Mas!
********************************
BB: Was that a good question?
AB: What'd you ask?
BB: Hola!! Como estas? I think that's exactly what a Spaniard would ask.
********************************
BB: Dos Cervezas!
M: Why does everyone keep talking about my cervix?!
********************************
M: (to Miguel) Que haces ahora? (she shakes her boobs) Bailar? Beber?
(Miguel had stomach bacteria so he had to turn her down)
BP: It was time to GO! Lady was getting crazy.
********************************
(M can't stop talking about sugar packets)
BB: Woah - I really can't talk about this right now.
********************************
(M has a little soap opera soliloquy)
BB: Oh Melissa! Come on! Put yourself in our shoes!
********************************
M: Is that the sound of a howler monkey?
BP: No! They go...holla! Holla!
A: Um...no...they say...Hol-ler!
********************************
BB: Do your shoes have 4-wheel-drive?
BP: Watch this!
*******************************
BB: I'll give you 5 to 1 that the light has been turned off...10 colones to 50. Who's in?
M: I'll take it.
A: It's a sucker bet.
M: Whatever...we're talking about a fraction of a penny.
BB: Woah...Mama Warbucks over here.
*******************************
BB: I understand...I mean...you wouldn't want to be known as the hotel where everyone's shittin'!
******************************
BB: Doh! Amy found the chips!
******************************
BP: Homey don't play that game...No...make that HOMO don't play that game.
*****************************
(Blood pressure)
BP: It just depends on a lot of things...like if you're there to get your vag chacked.
*****************************
M: Why would you think I would strangle a bird?
BB: Because you are a cruel, miserable, bird-hating, awful excuse for a nature-loving, hormonal, crazy person.
M: Yeah. My friends used to call me nature hater.
****************************
(BP Grinding teeth at 4 am after the Volcano eruption)
A: Why don't you put some paper in your mouth.
BP: I have a bite plate.
M: No - I like the paper - that makes confetti!
BB: Yeah...go on and put some corn in...grind it all up...make cornmeal.
*****************************
BB: Who's with you today in the audience? My partner Brian.
BP: ooooh...I hate that...partner....oooh.
M: Partner? Audience?
A: Um...he's on a game show right now.
*****************************
BP: I'm bleeding.
M: You're bleeding again?
BP: I picked a scab off my boob.
BB: Did you eat it?
BP: Yes.
*****************************
BP: (very matter-of-factly) They started makeing cheese and now they produce cheese for everyone.
BB: Cheese for everyone! You! Me! Come here and you will eat cheese!!! Cheese!!!!
****************************
BP: Trapp family lodge.
M: Not Van Trapp?
BB: No. They wanted to save on signage!
BP: Look! It's written like it's in Swiss!
*****************************
(BP gives huge lecture about silence in the forest and the importance of first impressions...THEN, he farts super loud.)
M: Now...who's respecting silence?
Random Tico: What type of frog was that? New species?
***************************
BB: We didn't cross a one-lane bridge before, so would you MIND checking the map? Great.
Great...we just crossed a river!
BP: No problem...um...I think we just went around the cheese factory.
***************************
M: 3% of Costa Ricans are Jewish.
BP: Great! We've got more gays than they've got Jews...I hope...
****************************
BB: OK...there will be 3 choices. When you look at that bird, do you think
a) I want to shoot it.
b) I want to put it in a cage and keep it.
c) I want to look at it.
AB: Look at it...is that what you thought?
BB: Well...initially, I thought look at it, but now I think (does big gun motion with hands).
***************************
BB: What's happening to me?! I just have to remember that I'm not 20 anymore.
**************************
(leaving Jaco dance club)
BP: It was like a wet dream in there! Well...maybe not because there were only 2 boys.
M: You don't know...maybe they were all L's.
**************************
(pope)
BB: This isn't really breaking news. It's an old man in a bed.
BP: Yeah...you're just not a...Catholic...person.
**************************
BP: Sorry...I wasn't listening...does anyone want a coke?
BB: Yeah...I want a sip of yours.
BP: Anyone else?
AB: Oh yes please! I'd love a sip of yours.
BP: okay...I'm not gonna get one.
**************************
BB: Look at all that fruit! ...and we can't even eat it!
A: Whatever. I see a Coco...don't try to tell me someone couldn't make me a drink!
**************************
BP: By the way, I got beautiful color today, Bri.
**************************
BP: John Candy..great!
A: People get him confused with, who?
BB: John Goodman.
M: yeah...they were both big and fat.
**************************
BP: I might have a tape worm.
A: Yeah...I really hope you do.
**************************
A: Who are you?
BP: Brian Jeffrey Pick...don't wear it out!
M: Welcome back to 1987.
BP: I should have said, "don't forget it!" NUTS!
**************************
M: Can I play with the umbrella?
BP: NO! I'm playing with it. You can play with this corka.
**************************
BB: Te amo.
BP: Te amo muchisimo
BB: Te amo muchi-long time.
Monday, March 14, 2005
critters everywhere
(Watching the Amazing Race)
Courtney: In their interview, he said, "Everyone expects us to be Susie and Patrick McCormick, when really, she's a black belt and I'm her gay son!"
Bethy: Wait...who's Patrick McCormick?
Courtney: I don't know. I just made him up. I guess I was trying to think of Joe College
***************************************
(Amy grabs a pen and piece of paper and then puts them back)
A: Yeah...I really need a pen.
C: That is a pen.
A: I need paper.
C: That is paper. Dumbass.
****************************************
B: Momma hit me!!
M: I hit you because you say, "Fuck" the way other people use "this"
***************************************
M: It's just not ladylike.
A: Yeah Bethy. I never cuss. Take a page from my book.
***************************************
C: The thing about my humor is that it's not as funny later. I'm hilarious in the NOW...maybe you aren't my target audience.
**************************************
C: Look momma! Those 2 cops are buddies. What do you think they are saying?
M: (in cop voices)
I'm a shit.
No...I'm a shit.
No...I'm a bigger shit.
I know...let's pee on each other under this bridge.
*************************************
M: Who let the dog out? Bethy! Bethy! Bethy!
C: Wait a minute...we can't go until...
M: Who let the dog in? Bethy! Bethy! Bethy!
B: Wait! Why am I letting the dog IN?!
M: Because you're my favorite.
C: And you're the dog person.
B: Getting her to shit is the biggest production.
***********************************
B: Sometimes I go into little soliloquies.
C: hmmm...I hadn't noticed.
***********************************
B: Momma doesn't smile very much.
A: She scowls.
***********************************
M: Well...only a moron would walk around with a grin on their face like a possum eating shit.
B: Momma! People comment on how they like to see me walking around and smiling.
M: Yeah...like a possum eating shit.
********************************
B: I want a baby.
M: Don't ever say that again.
C: Yeah...well...I'm going to use that if I'm ever a waiter and feel like I'm going to be really dippy...I'll just say, "new baby!"
******************************
C: It kind of bothers me that the whole world is getting patriotic...because I was first.
D: You were darlin'
*****************************
D: There's a damn critter out there.
*****************************
A: (Singing) What's love got to do...got to do with it?!
B: Amy...do you try to hurt my feelings?
C: Hey Ame...maybe you should try to finish that costume.
A: Why do you guys talk to me like I'm 8?
C: I don't mean to talk down to you...it's just...well...
****************************
D: I love my tennis shoes!
Courtney: In their interview, he said, "Everyone expects us to be Susie and Patrick McCormick, when really, she's a black belt and I'm her gay son!"
Bethy: Wait...who's Patrick McCormick?
Courtney: I don't know. I just made him up. I guess I was trying to think of Joe College
***************************************
(Amy grabs a pen and piece of paper and then puts them back)
A: Yeah...I really need a pen.
C: That is a pen.
A: I need paper.
C: That is paper. Dumbass.
****************************************
B: Momma hit me!!
M: I hit you because you say, "Fuck" the way other people use "this"
***************************************
M: It's just not ladylike.
A: Yeah Bethy. I never cuss. Take a page from my book.
***************************************
C: The thing about my humor is that it's not as funny later. I'm hilarious in the NOW...maybe you aren't my target audience.
**************************************
C: Look momma! Those 2 cops are buddies. What do you think they are saying?
M: (in cop voices)
I'm a shit.
No...I'm a shit.
No...I'm a bigger shit.
I know...let's pee on each other under this bridge.
*************************************
M: Who let the dog out? Bethy! Bethy! Bethy!
C: Wait a minute...we can't go until...
M: Who let the dog in? Bethy! Bethy! Bethy!
B: Wait! Why am I letting the dog IN?!
M: Because you're my favorite.
C: And you're the dog person.
B: Getting her to shit is the biggest production.
***********************************
B: Sometimes I go into little soliloquies.
C: hmmm...I hadn't noticed.
***********************************
B: Momma doesn't smile very much.
A: She scowls.
***********************************
M: Well...only a moron would walk around with a grin on their face like a possum eating shit.
B: Momma! People comment on how they like to see me walking around and smiling.
M: Yeah...like a possum eating shit.
********************************
B: I want a baby.
M: Don't ever say that again.
C: Yeah...well...I'm going to use that if I'm ever a waiter and feel like I'm going to be really dippy...I'll just say, "new baby!"
******************************
C: It kind of bothers me that the whole world is getting patriotic...because I was first.
D: You were darlin'
*****************************
D: There's a damn critter out there.
*****************************
A: (Singing) What's love got to do...got to do with it?!
B: Amy...do you try to hurt my feelings?
C: Hey Ame...maybe you should try to finish that costume.
A: Why do you guys talk to me like I'm 8?
C: I don't mean to talk down to you...it's just...well...
****************************
D: I love my tennis shoes!
Friday, February 25, 2005
mom loves the music
_________________________________
Mom: Yeah...I was asking CJ if we had any Phil or Rod on CD...
A: What?
Mom: You know...Collins and Stewart.
A: Remember that time you asked me if we had any Yanni?
Mom: I am SO over Yanni.
(about five minutes pass)
Mom: Oooh...I wonder if Barry is on the radio!
A: White?
Mom: um...no...Manilow!
Mom: Yeah...I was asking CJ if we had any Phil or Rod on CD...
A: What?
Mom: You know...Collins and Stewart.
A: Remember that time you asked me if we had any Yanni?
Mom: I am SO over Yanni.
(about five minutes pass)
Mom: Oooh...I wonder if Barry is on the radio!
A: White?
Mom: um...no...Manilow!
Friday, February 18, 2005
hecka smart
I could learn a lot from my 3rd graders.
Two weeks ago, Janelle told Henry she was in love with him. Janelle came and told me about it and then the three of us went outside to talk it over. Janelle and Henry both cried. Janelle said she was crying because she really was in love with Henry. Henry said he was crying because Janelle was his best friend.
Now, only two weeks later, they are back to sitting together and playing at recess. Henry flirts with her and grabs her hand to raise it for her. Janelle laughs at all of his jokes and just told him that he HAD to stop dancing until he finished his math test. Neither one of them are freaking out about what happened, and they don't think it will have any impact on their relationship in the future.
If it were up to me, Henry and Janelle...who seem like the ideal couple...would grow up and get married. It's entirely possible that that will happen one day...but for right now, they've gone back to treating each other like best friends and making sure everything they do helps to make them both happy. Kids are smart.
Two weeks ago, Janelle told Henry she was in love with him. Janelle came and told me about it and then the three of us went outside to talk it over. Janelle and Henry both cried. Janelle said she was crying because she really was in love with Henry. Henry said he was crying because Janelle was his best friend.
Now, only two weeks later, they are back to sitting together and playing at recess. Henry flirts with her and grabs her hand to raise it for her. Janelle laughs at all of his jokes and just told him that he HAD to stop dancing until he finished his math test. Neither one of them are freaking out about what happened, and they don't think it will have any impact on their relationship in the future.
If it were up to me, Henry and Janelle...who seem like the ideal couple...would grow up and get married. It's entirely possible that that will happen one day...but for right now, they've gone back to treating each other like best friends and making sure everything they do helps to make them both happy. Kids are smart.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
school days
Rafael: Ms. Banks, I had a dream that you had a giant pimple on your nose, and every time you tell a lie, it gets bigger and bigger until it explodes.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Ms. Banks: If you are crawling on that floor like little aliens, you had better really think about what kind of mood that puts me in!!! Trust me...you NEED to stop!!!
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Ms. Banks: If you are crawling on that floor like little aliens, you had better really think about what kind of mood that puts me in!!! Trust me...you NEED to stop!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2005
some days I'm glad I'm not on MTV
skinny MTV nast: I hope this doesn't bend and crack when I flex my pecs.
##############################################
Terrence (screaming!): My feet feel like they are on FIRE!!!
Rafael: Yeah. Holla
Matthew: We say Hol-ler now. Holler. Holler.
##############################################
Terrence (screaming!): My feet feel like they are on FIRE!!!
Rafael: Yeah. Holla
Matthew: We say Hol-ler now. Holler. Holler.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
bikinis and beer
Momma: Are you having a bickeni wax tomorrow?
Bethy: A what?
Momma: A bickeni wax.
Bethy: Do you say it bikini, or do you really say it bickeni?
Momma: I was just being dumb with you, Bethy.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Matthew: Grrrreeeeegrrrrrrgrrrrr
Ms. Banks: Please don't growl like that, Matthew.
Matthew: Holla!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jumanja: Do you want to come to my teaparty on Saturday?
Ms. Banks: Um...let me think about it.
Jumanja: There will be cake...Chocolate fudge.
Terrence: (not the person Jumanja was asking, but a fat kid with a love of food) Well...I'll think about it...will there be cupcakes?
Jumanja: Yes. Blueberry!!
Terrence: Any other snacks I should know about before I say my final answer?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Terrence: koooky!
Ms. Banks: Yeah...thank God for small favors!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Terrence: Ms. Banks! My brother drank too much beer and fell asleep...then he went in the hotel hall, fell down, drank some more beer, found a fight, and went to prison. I'll never drink beer.
Ms. Banks: Smart Strategy Terrence! Me neither!
Bethy: A what?
Momma: A bickeni wax.
Bethy: Do you say it bikini, or do you really say it bickeni?
Momma: I was just being dumb with you, Bethy.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Matthew: Grrrreeeeegrrrrrrgrrrrr
Ms. Banks: Please don't growl like that, Matthew.
Matthew: Holla!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jumanja: Do you want to come to my teaparty on Saturday?
Ms. Banks: Um...let me think about it.
Jumanja: There will be cake...Chocolate fudge.
Terrence: (not the person Jumanja was asking, but a fat kid with a love of food) Well...I'll think about it...will there be cupcakes?
Jumanja: Yes. Blueberry!!
Terrence: Any other snacks I should know about before I say my final answer?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Terrence: koooky!
Ms. Banks: Yeah...thank God for small favors!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Terrence: Ms. Banks! My brother drank too much beer and fell asleep...then he went in the hotel hall, fell down, drank some more beer, found a fight, and went to prison. I'll never drink beer.
Ms. Banks: Smart Strategy Terrence! Me neither!
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Texas Talk
Bethy: You could never be in Mufty!!
Amy: What Bethy?! because I'm not smart enough?!
Bethy: Yeah...you could never do the double and triple entendres.
CJ: What's an entendre?
Amy: Yeah Bethy...what's a whore?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dad: When you were born, your mother was sure that not since Mary and Jesus had there been such a mother and child...and just like Mary and Joseph, she sure that the father didn't have anything to do with the perfect child.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Amy: I'm updating my blog.
EM: OH...thank God for small favors.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(Suzie likes to run through the dining room to tap her feet on the wood floor)
Dad: Just listen to that Suzie...she sounds just like a little flamenco dancer.
Mom: That's what I thought: "Damn! Suzie's just like a flamenco dancer."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: (to Dad) You need to shut-up. We can hear you, you know? You're talking out loud. We can hear you!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dad: This dumb ass from Duke is forward stalking us.
Mom: That's the second time he's said that today. There is no such thing as forward stalking.
Dad: She is! She figured out where we were going and then changed her route to forward stalk us.
(the lady from Duke doesn't turn at the light)
Dad: See...she abandoned the pursuit. It was pretty sly of you to not turn your blinker on like that. I love you, pug.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dad: Your momma could have made a monk jump a wall at the monestary.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: I have all of these one dollar bills. I could go to a tit bar.
Dad: That'd be a case of coals to Newcastle.
Girls: What?
Mom: In other words, I have big boobs and so do all of you.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: I don't use the word "titty"...that'd be gross.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: Amy, this is such a pretty song...I don't know how you could even think of ruining it with your voice.
Amy: What Bethy?! because I'm not smart enough?!
Bethy: Yeah...you could never do the double and triple entendres.
CJ: What's an entendre?
Amy: Yeah Bethy...what's a whore?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dad: When you were born, your mother was sure that not since Mary and Jesus had there been such a mother and child...and just like Mary and Joseph, she sure that the father didn't have anything to do with the perfect child.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Amy: I'm updating my blog.
EM: OH...thank God for small favors.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
(Suzie likes to run through the dining room to tap her feet on the wood floor)
Dad: Just listen to that Suzie...she sounds just like a little flamenco dancer.
Mom: That's what I thought: "Damn! Suzie's just like a flamenco dancer."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: (to Dad) You need to shut-up. We can hear you, you know? You're talking out loud. We can hear you!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dad: This dumb ass from Duke is forward stalking us.
Mom: That's the second time he's said that today. There is no such thing as forward stalking.
Dad: She is! She figured out where we were going and then changed her route to forward stalk us.
(the lady from Duke doesn't turn at the light)
Dad: See...she abandoned the pursuit. It was pretty sly of you to not turn your blinker on like that. I love you, pug.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dad: Your momma could have made a monk jump a wall at the monestary.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: I have all of these one dollar bills. I could go to a tit bar.
Dad: That'd be a case of coals to Newcastle.
Girls: What?
Mom: In other words, I have big boobs and so do all of you.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: I don't use the word "titty"...that'd be gross.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Mom: Amy, this is such a pretty song...I don't know how you could even think of ruining it with your voice.
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