Texas Talk

Bethy: You could never be in Mufty!!
Amy: What Bethy?! because I'm not smart enough?!
Bethy: Yeah...you could never do the double and triple entendres.
CJ: What's an entendre?
Amy: Yeah Bethy...what's a whore?

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Dad: When you were born, your mother was sure that not since Mary and Jesus had there been such a mother and child...and just like Mary and Joseph, she sure that the father didn't have anything to do with the perfect child.

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Amy: I'm updating my blog.
EM: OH...thank God for small favors.

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(Suzie likes to run through the dining room to tap her feet on the wood floor)
Dad: Just listen to that Suzie...she sounds just like a little flamenco dancer.
Mom: That's what I thought: "Damn! Suzie's just like a flamenco dancer."

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Mom: (to Dad) You need to shut-up. We can hear you, you know? You're talking out loud. We can hear you!

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Dad: This dumb ass from Duke is forward stalking us.
Mom: That's the second time he's said that today. There is no such thing as forward stalking.
Dad: She is! She figured out where we were going and then changed her route to forward stalk us.
(the lady from Duke doesn't turn at the light)
Dad: See...she abandoned the pursuit. It was pretty sly of you to not turn your blinker on like that. I love you, pug.

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Dad: Your momma could have made a monk jump a wall at the monestary.

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Mom: I have all of these one dollar bills. I could go to a tit bar.
Dad: That'd be a case of coals to Newcastle.
Girls: What?
Mom: In other words, I have big boobs and so do all of you.

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Mom: I don't use the word "titty"...that'd be gross.

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Mom: Amy, this is such a pretty song...I don't know how you could even think of ruining it with your voice.