critters everywhere

(Watching the Amazing Race)
Courtney: In their interview, he said, "Everyone expects us to be Susie and Patrick McCormick, when really, she's a black belt and I'm her gay son!"
Bethy: Wait...who's Patrick McCormick?
Courtney: I don't know. I just made him up. I guess I was trying to think of Joe College

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(Amy grabs a pen and piece of paper and then puts them back)
A: Yeah...I really need a pen.
C: That is a pen.
A: I need paper.
C: That is paper. Dumbass.

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B: Momma hit me!!
M: I hit you because you say, "Fuck" the way other people use "this"

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M: It's just not ladylike.
A: Yeah Bethy. I never cuss. Take a page from my book.

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C: The thing about my humor is that it's not as funny later. I'm hilarious in the NOW...maybe you aren't my target audience.

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C: Look momma! Those 2 cops are buddies. What do you think they are saying?
M: (in cop voices)
I'm a shit.
No...I'm a shit.
No...I'm a bigger shit.
I know...let's pee on each other under this bridge.

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M: Who let the dog out? Bethy! Bethy! Bethy!
C: Wait a minute...we can't go until...
M: Who let the dog in? Bethy! Bethy! Bethy!
B: Wait! Why am I letting the dog IN?!
M: Because you're my favorite.
C: And you're the dog person.
B: Getting her to shit is the biggest production.

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B: Sometimes I go into little soliloquies.
C: hmmm...I hadn't noticed.

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B: Momma doesn't smile very much.
A: She scowls.

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M: Well...only a moron would walk around with a grin on their face like a possum eating shit.
B: Momma! People comment on how they like to see me walking around and smiling.
M: Yeah...like a possum eating shit.

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B: I want a baby.
M: Don't ever say that again.
C: Yeah...well...I'm going to use that if I'm ever a waiter and feel like I'm going to be really dippy...I'll just say, "new baby!"

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C: It kind of bothers me that the whole world is getting patriotic...because I was first.
D: You were darlin'

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D: There's a damn critter out there.
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A: (Singing) What's love got to do...got to do with it?!
B: Amy...do you try to hurt my feelings?
C: Hey Ame...maybe you should try to finish that costume.
A: Why do you guys talk to me like I'm 8?
C: I don't mean to talk down to you...it's just...well...

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D: I love my tennis shoes!