Madison and Josh...the latest blog stars!!

Madison: No Josh if they are all wrapped they are from mamma/daddy if they are not wrapped they are from Santa

Josh: Well.... what will be yours and what will be mine?

Madison: Josh... *heavy sigh* if it is girl stuff then it's mine, if it is boys stuff it's yours.

Josh: Oh I got it. but how does he make the fireplace bigger to get his big belly in and his reindeer?

Madison: He's magical, but the reindeer stay OUTSIDE not INSIDE. Now get up under the christmas and watch me ice skate and dance. You stay out of my way.

Josh: Okay Madison.

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Josh: mamma can I tell you something?

Missy: sure Josh. Use all those words you know.

Josh: Well.... can I tell you something?

Missy: I said yes. Tell me. What do you know? Show me all those words

Josh: Mom.... can I please tell you something?

Missy: No

Josh: okay, I will just go tell paw paw.

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(mom plays solitare online against a jerk from Finland)
Courtney: I could probably take you.
Mom: Huh! Only the guy from Finland could kick my ass.

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Caroline: I could beat up most of my family.

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Caroline (about Matthew Berler): He's really popular with the 45-80 crowd.

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(Amy flexes again.)
Mom : This is a big deal. She's never had a muscle in her life.

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Caroline: I take some medicine for excema.
Courtney: Bethy needs that.
Mom: No...not if she's getting naked everywhere.
Dad: Well...as long as she doesn't have the heartbreak of psoriasis.

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Josh: (after working super hard to decorate the christmas tree) mamma... I really like our tree this year, we did it didn't we? Me and Madison and You put the star on top, aren't the lights very pretty?

Missy: yes Josh. You did do it. You worked on it so hard. Mamma is very very proud of you, you and sis did a fine fine job. The lights are very pretty, do you like the ones that have lots of color or just white?

Josh: lots of color.

Missy: me too.

Josh: mamma I think the tree is so pretty I should just sleep under it tonight. I will be very careful and not move at all, okay?

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Amy: Where's my dog?
Mom: I don't know...I just found a place where she went teetee.
Dad: Let's trade her in.
Mom: She just thinks this whole house is her potty. Damn good thing we got 4000 square feet for a five pound dog to shit and pee all over.

Turkey day!

Mom: You have to eat little bitty pieces.
CJ: I can't believe we're sneak eating this pie...fat kids.
Mom: Little bitty piece.
Amy: I'll take whatever size Dad gets.
Dad: Yeah...I'll take about a third of that pie.

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Mom: Can you believe Barbie drives a Weinie Wagon? Every time I say it I laugh. It sounds so nasty...Dad, when you are talking about a pervert don't you sometimes call them a Weinie Wagger?
Dad: Why yes...in fact I'm representing a young man who is accused of being a weinie wagger.
Mom: Yeah. I just keep thinking that everybody's really proud that Barbie's got a new great job with a Weinie Wagger. Typical.

Courtney's on a roll

CJ: You cut your hand on that thing?! I'm telling you...it's a menace!!

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Mom: You say you're going to help and then you hide in your room.
Amy: I took a page from these two (points to Dad and then to Bethy's empty chair)
CJ: This one's the brightest crayon in the box. Just look at her!!! oh wait...she's not here.

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CJ: Mom!! We were supposed to leave at 4:00!
Amy: Yeah...no one is paying us for this time.
CJ: You're giving them what they want! You just sold 15 minutes of your life to The Man.

Nipples, friends, and fashion

Mom: The good thing about going somewhere and looking real tacky is that they don't all swarm around me and try to help...although....that little guy at the furniture store was just about to have an orgasm he was so excited!

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Caroline: These little Asian people at the festival forced me to get a massage and then they wouldn't stop rubbing my butt.

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Aunt Gladys (age 90): Oooh! What color pants should I wear with this?!

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Natalie: Your hair IS darker.
Amy: YEah. It makes me feel sassy like my Natalie.
Natalie: I don't usually feel sassy...just a little snobby.

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Natalie: I am SO not into the faux fur movement.

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guy at party: This bitch sucked out both of my nipple rings when I was giving her a lap dance
(he raised his shirt to prove it)

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Casey #2 at party: That guy wouldn't know a naked cousin in a wheat field.

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Mom: Who was that lady waiving at me?
Amy: It was somebody's mom.
CJ: Yeah...Kelli?
Amy: Logan.
Mom: Well...I had no idea who she was, but she was waiving so big I figured she must be my friend...or just really really want to be.

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Josh is ready to go! 

Madison takes after her cousins...she's a gorgeous lady that knows fashion! 

Precious Cousins: Courtney and Madison 

Little funny cousins

Josh (four years old): And then...we got to go down a big honkin' slide without buckling up!!!!

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(7 of us crammed into two car seats)
Mom: Well this is cozy.
Missy: Nobody poot.
Madison (first grade): jooossshhh...
Mom: Aaaammmmyyyyy...
Madison: No. Jooosssshhhh....

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Josh: Amy! I really like that marker!!!

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Josh: I liked it, but it was just too pricey.

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Madison: Can I tell you something? His mask scared the dogs.
Missy: And who else?
Madison: Me. One time...he hid in the dirty clothes!!!

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Courtney: (to mom) You know...you came in at the same time as my alarm went off, and all I wanted was to shut both of you up.

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Courtney: Amy!!! Stop touching me!!
Amy: Mom...she has earwax build-up.
Courtney: You're invading my personal space. The fact that you can see my ear wax is proof.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(amy singing beautifully)
Courtney: Shut up!! Oh my God!! It's like we get in the car, and all bets are off. You think you can just be as loud as you want. Ahhhh!

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Courtney: I only eat fish if it's fried.
Mom: That's not true.
Court: Yes it is...only fried catfish.
Mom: NO! You eat boiled shrimp.
Amy: OH mom!!! How many times...?
Court: It's not fish, momma.
Mom: Yes it is!!! It's served in every fish restaurant we eat at.
Court: We call it a SEAfood restaurant because they come from the sea. Shrimp are crustaceans.
Mom: Oooh! Use your big words!

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Another round of chemical imbalance.

(Amy and Courtney are singing super loud...)
Mom: Oh! Why??!! Ahh!
Courtney: Mom...tell me...are you thinking self harm?
Mom: I'm thinking self harm and homicide.
Courtney: That's what they kept saying...are you thinking self harm? Do you have homicidal ideations? Self harm? homicidal ideations? I finally said...I really only have them when you ask me that damn question over and over.

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Amy: Courtney! I made a funny.
Courtney: Great.
Amy: I said, Dad eats so slow...he really takes it to the extreme...to the point of no return...until we're all thinking self harm.
Courtney: Yeah Ame. Good one.

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Mom: I need to talk to you about Satellites.
Dad: I'm pretty nervous about Satellites...all that stuff the cable company said.
Mom: Honey they're big fat liars.
Dad: Well...I'm a big fat lawyer...so...

There are gays in Texas?!

(pass billboard about Proposition 2..."Vote yes...see the truth and light."
Dad: Yeah...I voted NO! I would love the gays to marry. I'm tired of hearing about this constitutional ban.
Amy: Right on! Yes!
Dad: I mean...it's good for my business...the more people that get married...the more people get divorced.
Amy: I'm going to go vote right now. I love to vote. I'm not sure if I'm registered. I'm just going to go over there and look.
Dad: Well...if they won't let you vote, you really shouldn't cause a scene.
Amy: Thanks for the tip!

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Amy: Mom!!! I just voted!! I love to vote!!! I voted in favor of gay marriage!!
Mom: In Texas?! How did I miss that?!
Amy: Well...it isn't really going to matter because of the laws that they already have...their just trying to make a constitutional amendment to ban it and we can vote against it.
Mom: Well great.
Amy: I've voted FOR gay marriage in TWO states!!! Yes!!! How many little ladies from College Station can say that?!
Mom: You're one of a kind.

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Mom: I just called to tell you that I'm bored to tears. I'm sitting in my car, watching them dig a grave at a cemetary.