More Holiday Happiness

(live band playing at crazy fancy restaurant)
Mom: (yelling) That's my SONG!!
CJ: What's your song?
Mom: (dancing a little) ooooh! The girl from Ipanema!

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Leslie: There are some people that make me just want to go in a corner and jack-off.

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One of Amy's defendants at probation: Well Hot damn!!...fucking A!!....I came to probation and I got a giant ham! I feel like I fucking walked into the damned north pole!"


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A: Ooooh! Tonight's Tuesday! That means another episode of Commander in Chief.
Bethy: I've never seen that show. Is it really as good as they say?
Mom: It's reaaaaallllly lame Beth.
Amy: NO...it's great.
Courtney: It's gooood.
Mom: No...it's so lame. so so so lame. Her husband's a weenie. Her daughter's a bitch...lame lame lame.


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Mom: Amy gave away 29 hams today, dad.
Dad: Ain't nobody give out hams like Amy.

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Amy: Dad...I might have poored you too much wine.
Dad: No such thing.
Amy: okay! Anybody else, Bethy? Courtney?
Mom: Courtney probably shouldn't have wine with her meds.
Amy: Yeah...that's what I told Tiffany today about cocaine and her meds.
Mom: That will kill her. It just killed one on the way Austin State Hospital the other day.
Amy: Yeah...she was on the A.C.T. team.
Mom: the act team...oh that was one of Darin's
Amy: Yeah...Karlee was upset.
Mom: Oooooh...cause her baaaaby got one kiiiiilllled.

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Mom: (pretending to be Alice) I don't know grandma. I go poopin in your house all the time. I go teetee in your house all the time. And you still love me!
(hears typing)
Mom: What are you writing amy? what are you writing amy?
Dad: What do you care? It's just making you more popular! It just makes you larger than life. I just wish I had that kind publicity.

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Bethy: I used to drink every day of the week, but I stopped...well...momma told me to stop.

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Amy: Uh...you have something in your nose.
Bethy: Yeah. It's a bugger.

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