huzzah holidays part 3

Dad: Now...about those fiber optics...

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Bethy: this is just the perfect kind of day. The kind of day when you don't need heat or air conditioning. This is the kind of day that I enjoy quite frequently back at school.

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Bethy: Okay everybody...I'm going to go to sleep so that I can wake up and eat.

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More Holiday Happiness

(live band playing at crazy fancy restaurant)
Mom: (yelling) That's my SONG!!
CJ: What's your song?
Mom: (dancing a little) ooooh! The girl from Ipanema!

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Leslie: There are some people that make me just want to go in a corner and jack-off.

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One of Amy's defendants at probation: Well Hot damn!!...fucking A!!....I came to probation and I got a giant ham! I feel like I fucking walked into the damned north pole!"


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A: Ooooh! Tonight's Tuesday! That means another episode of Commander in Chief.
Bethy: I've never seen that show. Is it really as good as they say?
Mom: It's reaaaaallllly lame Beth.
Amy: NO...it's great.
Courtney: It's gooood.
Mom: No...it's so lame. so so so lame. Her husband's a weenie. Her daughter's a bitch...lame lame lame.


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Mom: Amy gave away 29 hams today, dad.
Dad: Ain't nobody give out hams like Amy.

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Amy: Dad...I might have poored you too much wine.
Dad: No such thing.
Amy: okay! Anybody else, Bethy? Courtney?
Mom: Courtney probably shouldn't have wine with her meds.
Amy: Yeah...that's what I told Tiffany today about cocaine and her meds.
Mom: That will kill her. It just killed one on the way Austin State Hospital the other day.
Amy: Yeah...she was on the A.C.T. team.
Mom: the act team...oh that was one of Darin's
Amy: Yeah...Karlee was upset.
Mom: Oooooh...cause her baaaaby got one kiiiiilllled.

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Mom: (pretending to be Alice) I don't know grandma. I go poopin in your house all the time. I go teetee in your house all the time. And you still love me!
(hears typing)
Mom: What are you writing amy? what are you writing amy?
Dad: What do you care? It's just making you more popular! It just makes you larger than life. I just wish I had that kind publicity.

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Bethy: I used to drink every day of the week, but I stopped...well...momma told me to stop.

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Amy: Uh...you have something in your nose.
Bethy: Yeah. It's a bugger.

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5 alive!! Banks family reunites!

Mom (to three year old visitor): Do you see baby Jesus?!!?! Baby Jesus is holding his hands up saying, "Yeah!!" He's happy to be here!

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Amy: Jesus hates that.
CJ: When you have real kids you can't say that.
Amy: Yeah...I guess that might fuck them up...it doesn't even always feel good to say that.
Mom: It's really wrong. I think it might be worse than the g-word.
Amy: G-word?
Bethy: What?
Courtney: There's no g-word.
Mom: Yes! G-dammit!

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Bethy: Oh my god! Alice is trying to eat baby Jesus!
Mom: She would never do that! She just wants that little bit of food.
Bethy: Uh...mom...
Mom: Oh shit! She is goin' for the Jesus!

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Amy: enough. I'm going to throw-up.
Courtney: I really don't want to talk about this anymore. After January 8th you can talk about it all you want, but until then, keep it down.
Mom: Okay...we can't talk about it until she goes.
Bethy: Now we call my body "it!"

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CJ:Good thing I can't drink on my meds. Then I'd be big as a house
Bethy:You'll have to smoke a lot of weed.
CJ:Don't you remember how that makes me skeeze out
Mom:It makes it worse you dumbass
Bethy:So...uh...what kind of substances will you be using?

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Bethy:You know...I have a lot lower substance use than last year.
Mom: Bethy! Don't talk anymore! Shut uuuuppp!!

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really really Bethlehem

(at a Christmas festival...there was an area called Bethlehem where they stored the baby Jesus)
Natalie: We can go wherever you want as long as we don't cross that bridge and go to Bethlehem.
Isaac: Bethlehem is scary. It's really really scary in Bethlehem!

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Isaac: Natalie's really really lucky with Nutria.

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Natalie: Ah! All of the food will be gone by the time we get back from Bethlehem...and I think Jesus will have come back.

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Amy: (to Alice) Momma loves you more than anyone has ever loved a dog.
Dad: You didn't know me and pooh.