Tejas visitor

Mom: We're going to throw a party at our house.
Leslie: Will it be an afternoon tea.
Mom: No! It will be a night time drunk!

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Amy: Oh! What are we going to do if worse comes to worse?!...huh...I guess it just won't.

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(flashing white light on the top of a school bus)
Amy: Jesus. Those lights make me want to seize out.
Melissa: I've never seen those before. Why are they there?
Amy: So no one will land on the children.

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Amy: I really want to go tubing!
Joseph: Me too!! It's my favorite way to drink!
Reno: And by drink...you mean...."enjoy summer?"

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Reno: I've got this bitsy basil plant I'd really like to save from the ground.

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(Watching horrid string trick at Juggling show)
Melissa: This is my idea of purgatory.
Amy: When you talk about your trip to Texas, no one needs to know about this.

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Melissa: You must be your own lucky star...a lone star.
Amy: Do you think that all of that LWord, Gold Star, stuff is real? I mean...are there really people out there who ONLY sleep with men or ONLY sleep with women?
Melissa: Uh. Yeah...me.

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Melissa: Would you have the boys be sperm donors...and if so, which?
Amy: BBell for me, BPick for her.
Melissa: Well...I hope you would consult me before Brian Pick donates to anyone's womb.

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Melissa: Woah! What's he doing?
Amy: Oh! He's an aggie. He's building a bonfire.
Melissa: Oh. I saw that ax. I thought it was a penis coming out of the back of his pants.

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Melissa: I don't have a life. I just have on-demand cable.
Amy: I don't even have that.

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(Preppy white man passes car, he's wearing a polo shirt...super-harmless)
Amy: Lock the doors!!
Melissa: I like that. I think your mom would be proud of that.
Amy: She would. Mommy doesn't discriminate.